Silent Night

     Some years, we go to Mass on Christmas morning, and on others, we go to "midnight Mass" late in the evening on the 24th.  This year, we went to midnight Mass.
     What I realized this year is how fundamentally important and special it is for me to go to the late night Masses if at all possible, both on Christmas Eve as well as on the eve of Easter.  Both the birth and the Resurrection of Christ occurred in the night--the Masses in the night re-inact these great events.  These Masses make it possible to imagine the actual event: in the case of Christmas, the hay, the labor, the light of the stars, the delivery and first cries of the infant.  The Mass itself is a perfect expression of Thanksgiving (since that is what "Eucharist" means--"thanksgiving") for the actual event that you can actually live through in your imagination.  Somehow, Mass the next morning has the same feel that every day does--thinking back to the birth of Christ with thanksgiving.  That is certainly wonderful in its own way.  But the Catholic tradition of these middle-of-the-night treks to church to go re-live and give proper thanks for these divine and sublime events is unforgettable and irreplaceable to me.
     Silent night sung in the middle of the night by candlelight is one of the richest experiences I have ever had.

On Humility

      God rushes to be in the presence of the poor of heart: those who are meek, lowly, and humble.
      What is so confusing is that shame, fear of speaking the truth, and self-hatred are not the same as humility and meekness.  Shame, fear and self-hatred are a perverse sort of pride: they are fixated on what others think of us, and are terrified of negative opinions or judgments.  Shame leads a person to assert, "I AM important; I AM something special."  This attitude leads to a puffing up of one's ego.  Then you have the pride that alienates the spirit of God.
     My greatest challenge in the past year has been to assert myself in some areas in which I was terrified of upsetting another person.  I had been acting as a doormat, a spineless creature.  I had to find my words: "No, I am unavailable for that," or "No, that is not okay with me."  Was lacking those words the same thing as being meek or lowly?  No!  It was being untruthful.  I was not clinging to the truth, the real truth that I was unavailable or not okay with that.  I was cowering in the face of reality.
    But to remedy this problem, the answer was not to beef up my "self-esteem" or inflate my ego so that I could be more assertive.
    The answer, for me, was to beg God for my voice as "prophet."  In our faith, we are all priest, prophet and queen or king.  We are all three, as we share in Christ's offices of priest, prophet and king.  I realized that I was not yet being a good Christian, in being a prophet.  I was not yet adhering to and speaking the truth.
    So my task was to be a humble, lowly person who emphatically spoke the truth, even when it was not what others wanted to hear.
    This has been the victory of this year for me, the navigating the tricky waters of pride and humility, in standing up for the truth and saying "No."
     God's way of being self-assertive is still humble, still meek, and thus still inviting of his Rich Presence.  

NYC at Christmas

    NYC at Christmastime is so beautiful!  There are musicians on every street corner playing carols; there are lights, trees and decorations in every store front.  You can feel the spirit of hope among the people.
     On the subway yesterday, a group of loud young people got on our car.  They invited the whole car to sing happy birthday to Johnny, which we all did.  But they were pushing it; they were being obnoxious.  Then one of them used a racial slur.  An African American woman next to me protested: "With all due respect, please watch your language."  He resisted, but then apologized.  The group got off the subway car at the next stop.  A moment later, Ron and I were talking and laughing with this beautiful woman, and had a cheery exchange.
     New Yorkers are just such resilient people.  They are so full of life.  They are especially spirited, it seems, as we approach the great feast day celebrating humanity, as it was elevated to a new status when the divine became human.  God has made us indeed of infinite worth.  We celebrate Christ, the one who loves us and gives us this dignity.

O Antiphones

      We are celebrating an early Christmas with Mom and Dad--a blast of a trip!  The cutest thing that happened on our first day was Mom announcing that, although she is not Catholic, she has put together her first Advent wreath, and has just learned what the "O antiphones" are.  It sounded like "anti-phones," as in being "against" (as in "anti-") iPhones or something.  Super cute.  She was talking about the antiphons, or prayers, that are said in the week approaching Christmas.  
     Truly, it is impressive that she would have ever heard of the Advent antiphons!  They are beautiful exclamations of joyful expectation of the birth of Christ.  She added to the delight by giving them a bit of a new name!  "The O Antiphones."  I love it!

End of the Semester--Could not come Quickly Enough!

   Oh, how happy I am that we made it through the fall semester!  Today we are THROUGH!
   Jake is testing for two schools in January, and so I have worked him like a DOG (which has worked me like a dog) beefing up his spelling, dictations, vocabulary, and grammar.  It was been a wonderful chance, really, to firm up the weak spots.  I am overjoyed about it.  But boy, are we excited about a break!!
    We have also been working so hard on our music.  It is rather magical how much progress we have made!  It is a real high point of our semester.
    I love our homeschool.  It is such a peaceful, joyful place.  If our children are loving and kind, that is because of our homeschool.  Homeschool shapes a different kind of child.  I just love it.  And truly, it is the best work I could do with my life.  I love it.
    I do not know how far we will go; some of our teenagers will probably follow Jake's footsteps and find another school.  But what does work, works well, and I am so grateful!
   Thank you, Lord, for our life.  It is a treasure to me!

Our Ice Storm

     Dallas has had an ice storm that lasted about four days.  What a blast!  Thankfully, we never lost power, and so we had a great time.
     I took out the quilting project that I have had in the attic for over a year.  We finished Mary's quilt top, and we have begun Clare's.  We might finish it today after school.
    Then we do Annie's, and then we actually quilt--put all three layers together.  I am excited!
    It was a blessing to be together.  Ron really rested; we read books and played games; we made lasagna and casseroles and kept 2 fires going the whole time.  I am so grateful that our kids do not really watch tv; they paint, sing, read, and when possible, make snowballs.  It was a truly, truly blessed weekend!  

Our Friends!

   We had a wonderful time with the Underwoods when they visited Texas.  We talked and talked and talked.  They are our new friends, indeed!  We love you, Underwoods!

Our Fire!

    While we were away for Thanksgiving, we had a fire in our house!  It was a chimney fire.  6 fire trucks were in front of our house on Thanksgiving afternoon!  The neighbor was kind enough to track us down and contact us in Louisiana, and said that there was smoke billowing out of our windows when the fire dept. opened them.
    Thankfully, they arrived in time, and our house was spared any real damage.  What a thing to be "thankful" for on Thanksgiving weekend!
    The only problem is the smell: the whole house smells like a garment reeking of campfire odor that you want to throw in the wash.  So we have been cleaning every flat surface of the house with Odoban, and steam cleaning all the carpets.  No small job!

Thank you, Lord, that our house is still standing!!  Praise be to God.

A Cajun Thanksgiving!

   Ron, the kids and I had such a wonderful Thanksgiving!  We were visiting our friends who feel like family in our home away from home, Louisiana.  We had Thanksgiving with the Hayses, and the following days with the Baglows--what a TREAT!!!!  I just LOVED getting to talk for hours with my dear friends!!!

Favorite Moments

1) Clare offering to sleep with Leigh in the guest room, since Leigh had thrown up.  Clare offered to stay with her through the night, in case she needed help.
2) Annie singing, "When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad," and the rest of the son, in perfect rhythm and pitch.
3) Ron being so darn awesome.
4) Having the best time EVER with the Underwoods.  What an AMAZING family!!
5) Playing "Simple Gifts" on the piano.

Our Puppy

    Wow, it has been something else getting a puppy!!  Franny is a real handful.  We sent her to a dog trainer for ten days, and she came back with some new skills, which was great.  But she also came back with more energy and a more robust, "teenage" attitude!  And she is still not fully housebroken.
    I was about to send her away for good!
    Then, it just turned around.  She is suddenly sitting in my lap for long periods.  We are keeping her on a leash inside, and with it on, she is very obedient.  Clare does training with her every day, and Franny sits and lies down, at Clare's command!
    I suddenly love our puppy!
    Thank you, St. Francis!

Ju-Jitzu

    Suddenly, Mary wanted to take Tae Quon Do classes.  Several years ago, she had achieved her third degree green belt.  But we stopped--she could not see why she was doing it.  In recent months, she has been timid, not being able to recite lines well, not being confident with strangers.  So when she asked for the martial arts classes, I found that noteworthy.  I asked her why, and she recalled her many years of Tae Quon Do, and said she thought that resuming classes would make her feel less afraid.  We talked a long time--she confided in me how fearful she generally is.
    So we looked into classes at a new dojo.  But they also offered Ju-Jitzu.  It is especially suited as self-defense.  She took one trial class and was hooked.  As an onlooker, so was I.
    Now she and I go, three times a week.  I watch her roll around on the floor, learning how to flip huge boys and men.  She is very aggressive.  She is getting her sense of power back.
    I have never been so surprised by a turn of events in motherhood: I did NOT see this coming.
    I have also never been so thrilled about something.  She figured out what she needed, asked for it, and is acquiring a skill that is incredibly strengthening and promotes safety like nothing I would have imagined.

Latin

   Jake and I have taken on Latin in a serious way.  It is SO MUCH FUN.  I was excellent at Latin a long time ago, but had forgotten it all.  It is SO FUN to relearn it!
    Jake is very quick at it.  We are having a ball.

   He and I are also doing a spelling intensive.  He has no natural ability.  But he is finally just memorizing rules when there are rules, and exceptions when there are no rules.  And he is memorizing well.  So it is time for him to catch up to 6th grade spelling!

Outward Bound!

    We had a beautiful time camping in Oklahoma this past weekend. . .  

We rented a tiny, one room cabin with a fireplace and one set of bunk beds inside.  Most of us slept on the floor in sleeping bags.  At least we had walls, which is a step up from a tent!  But in every other way, it was like tent camping.  There were public facilities down the road (I was grateful for that, too!).

Jake did lots of canoeing . .

Ron and Jake were just in heaven. . .

The girls were so happy, too!

     Sadly, Annie got an ear infection in the night, and so that took a bite out of the fun.  But that is quintessential family--so I just enjoyed the ride for what it was!  Good and bad, these are the best
days. . . .

Competing for Acidophilus

   We had a math drill today--Leigh and Clare were seeing who would be the first to shout out the right answer to "rounding to the nearest thousand" questions.  We had just eaten lunch, and they were all at the kitchen counter.  I was passing out vitamins.  I think the chewable acidophilus ones taste good.  So I said, "Let's compete for your acidophilus!"  They laughed, thinking that was ridiculous.
    But then Clare, of course, decided that she "hates" the acidophilus.  So she did not want to earn them.  She laughed all the way through the drill.  Whenever Leigh would get the right answer, I'd give Leigh an acidophilus, and she'd squeal, "Hooray!"  But when Clare would get the right answer, she's shout, "Hooray!" for getting it right, but then shout, "Booo!" when I'd give her the acidophilus.  Jake and Mary and Leigh and I laughed and laughed.  It was all so absurd.
    Then I told Annie, "Eat your spinach, so as to earn your shake!"  It is a vegetable juice shake.  Poor things.

Powerful Prayers

     Annie has some sort of stomach bug--and it is time for stool samples for the doctor!  This is my very, very, very least favorite part of motherhood!  Stool samples from a child who has intestinal sickness is about the very worst.  I've done it before.  As Ray Charles says, "Here we go again. . . "
    But then, Clare started throwing up.  Three times!  It was awful.  I feel like I am swimming in germs in this house!
    So I picked my very, very most urgent prayer request, and offered each moment of it up for that intention.  Please, Jesus, let these small crosses be part of your big cross!
     And that makes me feel so much better, like it's all worth it, and it's all meant to be.

Its All About Love

     Trying to diminish levels of stress can be so hard.  I have become more aware of the stress I carry.
     In sitting before God in prayer, I have been seeking to unload it.  That has been hard and unsuccessful.
     The I realized, by the grace of God, that it is in brokenness and weakness that God manifests Himself to us.  So I just accepted all my stress, and stopped trying to get rid of it, and said, "God, here I am!  Your stressful daughter!"  And I felt His overwhelming love, and His powerful embrace.
    I think being in a relationship with God is not becoming "good enough," but letting God love us, right where we are.  It is also having the "gumption" to love God, and really lavish Jesus with our affection, even though we are so pitiful and flawed.  Sometimes its hard to imagine that He wants my love, but in fact, He does.  It takes courage to lavish God with my love!

Break Through!

     The kids had a melt down while I was putting Annie down for bed.  Ron was working late.  I went downstairs and found Leigh crying uncontrollably, and three other kids not knowing what to do.
     It was all about the fact that Jake had found Leigh lying on the couch, and he sat down on her feet.  He would not get off her feet.  Then he inched over about two inches, and she started kicking him, because two inches was not far enough.
     I said, "We have a tool to prevent this problem!  Did anyone ask our magic question, 'May we please discuss this?"
     The kids shared with me why it did not work.  So we spent half an hour, re-devising the question and how it operates in our home.
     The kids sometimes feel that something is unfair.  When things are unfair, and never rectified, I believe that children emotionally disconnect from their parents and siblings.  Even at age 10, for example, they can begin detaching.  You may not really see it, but unfairness is one of several reasons, I believe, that so many kids disengage with their parents over the long term.  The home needs to be a safe, fair place.  But it is so darn hard to be fair!!  As parents, we sometimes just break up the problem, re-direct, get them to stop crying, cheer them up, and change the subject.  We are tired of the fight, and feel like we have succeeded if we get it to stop.  But if there is unfairness that is not actually rectified, kids feel that as a breach, and keep it with them.  
    So we spent the time, working out our system.

Problem: Someone Being Annoying
1. Annoyed Person says, "May we please discuss this?"
     -If she fails to say this "magic question," and shouts, stomps, etc., she loses a chip.
2. Annoyer MUST STOP THE BEHAVIOR for a moment to discuss (that is what is "magical" about the question.  It has the power to stop the annoying person).
      -If she fails to stop, she owes the annoyed person a chip.
3. Then they must discuss the solution.  Solution: The annoying person will stop the behavior for good in 10, 20, or 30 seconds.
     -If the annoying person does not, she loses a chip.

     In the beginning, anyone who asks the magic question, "May we please discuss this?" instead of shouting or acting frustrated gets a chip.

    The goal is to foster RESPECT FOR OTHERS, which is a virtue that is especially important for pre-teen and teen years.  I am confident that there will be a constant onslaught of irritations among these siblings for the next decade.
    Leigh has been singing "Frere Jacques" non-stop this week, and it is driving everyone MAD.  Jake is bouncing balls in the house.  Mary is twirling on point.  Clare is shouting at all of them to STOP. :)
     Having to stop the behavior, within 30 seconds, and just dealing with the fact that you need to stop (or go somewhere else) to be kind to those around you is an important virtue to have.
    May God help us survive the many challenges the upcoming teen years!

Totus Tuus: "All Yours"

    Today our family began setting up a fund through which to give donations to non-profits.  We decided to call it the "Totus Tuus Fund"--Totus Tuus was John Paul II's motto, meaning "All Yours."  He meant that he was giving himself over entirely to Mary, whom he trusted would bring her perfectly and unwaiveringly to her Son.
     I explained to the family at the dinner table what Ron and I were doing, and what the name of the fund would be.
     Jake piped in, "The what?  The Totus Tootus Fund??"  It sounded like "tooting" or passing gas to him!  Yikes.   

A Whole New Jake

     Jake and I went out for time one on one today.  We had lunch and then went to the museum.  It was a much needed time of just he and I together, talking, reflecting on his life, and enjoying each other's company.  I would not trade that afternoon for anything.
     He is a whole new guy.  He is aware, observant, articulate, engaging.  We walked through the Peruvian section of the DMA, and he was telling me all about the artifacts--I really had no idea what he was talking about.  He talked, actually, for four hours straight, and I only got a portion of what he was saying.  There is just so much going on in his head.  I cannot believe how much he retains when he reads.  He is a sponge.
     He is also interested in school next year.  We have found a school called the Cambridge School in Dallas.  We have not fully investigated it yet, and time will tell.  But he loves the sound of it, and we love the sound of it for him.  He loves the idea of a school that fosters independent thinking, the building of character, and has a debate team, tennis, track and cross-country.  It also has a religion teacher who teaches apologetics.  Ron taught her apologetics, as she earned her MA in theology at UD.  So the thought of learning apologetics from this teacher at the Cambridge school thrilled Jake.

   We'll see.  But he is dreaming about being a teenager, having a driver's license, going out to eat and a movie with friends.  He thinks Dallas will be a GREAT place to be a teenager.  I am so, so excited.  He has such a bright future ahead!

Halloween

TinTin, Raggedy Ann, Cleopatra, Glinda the Good Witch, and a Bumble Bee.
My favorite was Tintin.
My favorite costume element was Glinda in pink Converse.

My favorite sight was the Bumble Bee running--her little antennae bounced along, her ruffles ruffled, and she actually looked a tiny bit like a buzzing bee.  So cute!

Lovely Days

     We are having the most lovely days--making stews, putting together Halloween costumes and Saints Costumes for All Saints' Day, playing instruments and reading books.

    Clare has finished her first novel, Pinnochio, and is onto her second, Little House in the Big Woods.  It is such a huge milestone!

    Mary loves pointe; Jake has become a great goalie for the soccer team; Leigh is quite the pianist and artist.  Annie is still a Broadway show tune girl!  Such a delight.  Best of all, I LOVE my husband.  It is a happy time, indeed.

Party!

    Yesterday morning before school started, I asked the kids if they wanted to make croissants.  After we worked on that, I scrambled everyone some eggs.
    At the end of breakfast sweet three year old Annie exclaimed, "Thanks, Mom, for the party!'
    So precious!

Taking Piano Lessons

    If you can believe it, I am taking piano lessons with the kids.  I love it!
    I took piano for SO MANY years growing up.  But learning to play Beethoven (which I once could do), the teacher does not teach the major chord progressions and how to play regular show tunes, folk music, and Christmas carols.
   So, I am learning to love G, C, F and G7, with which you can play so many songs!
   I also used to play by ear only: I would figure out the music on the page, and then memorize how to play it.  But I was not actually sight reading while playing.
   I am learning to sight read!  It is so much fun!
   I love learning something new.  It is silly for a 40 something year old woman to be working so hard on Jingle Bells, but I love it!  I will be a 45 year old woman who can really play the piano!

So Mad!

   Oh, I was so mad.
   Clare has asked me if she could watch the English version of a cartoon after watching the Italian version (for school).  I said she had three things left to do, and then she could watch the English version.  She begged and begged, promising that she would do all three things, after watching the English version of Muzzy.
   Finally, I agreed, emphasizing how important it was that she follow through and, after watching Muzzy, that she practice guitar, do her guitar workbook, and fold her clothes.
   I left the house, taking Annie and Mary to ballet.
   When I came home, Ron was here with the kids, and had set up a computer game (actually just a biology website) for Clare.  The pile of laundry was untouched.
   "Clare!  What in the world are you doing!!??  Why have you not done the laundry yet?"
   So Clare shuts the computer, runs and does the laundry.  Ron and I get everyone ready for bed.
   As we begin family prayers, I say, "Clare, before we start, I just want to say that I am so upset that you did not keep our agreement.  You promised that you would do all three things you had left to do, if I turned on Muzzy in English for you."
   She replied, "Well I DID do three things!!  Muzzy, guitar, and my guitar workbook!  That is three things!"
   And I realized that in her innocence, she really did believe that she had done what she was told, and truly just muddled it up in her head.
   I replied, "Well, that was NOT what we agreed: we agreed that AFTER you watched Muzzy, you would have to do 1) guitar, 2) your guitar notebook, and 3) fold your laundry.  Watching Muzzy was NOT on the list of obligations; it was your treat."  Her eyes got all wide and she realized her mistake.
   I continued, "You did not follow through on our agreement.  So I want 20 pushups, right now."  She smiled, and looked sheepishly at her siblings.  They were rather adorable about it, being kind, realizing that they have to do pushups sometimes, too.  She got down on the floor, amid our whole family, and we all watched her do 20 pushups.  She smiled getting up and resuming her place.  Then she led us in family prayers.
   Afterwards that night, Ron said, "Kathryn, in my house growing up, that would have been screaming and spankings.  Your handling of that was a million times better than anything I have ever seen."

   I wish I had not been so mad about it, afterwards, realizing that I had a way of handling it that is better than getting so mad inside.  I think I took it personally, like, "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?"  But the truth is, people (my kids, anyway) DO listen to me, and I just have to hear their story and reprimand accordingly, not out of anger, but with love and firmness.    

Shopping with Mary

   Mary has had the worst clothes for the past year or so.  I took her shopping almost 2 years ago, but since then, it has been a steep decline!
   We went out today, and got her all set up again.
   Watching her little feet under the dressing room door, dancing to the music, in all her excitement was enough to warm my heart for weeks!
   She is so precious.  She is so humble, and asks for so little.  I simply adore her!

Imago Dialogues

Wow, having a challenge come up in your marriage is always hard.
But having it handled in Dialogue format is SO MUCH BETTER than a fight!
Oh, how grateful I am to this process, for sparing us the harshness of human nature and helping us transcend our own selves!  What safety there is in this structure.  I am so grateful.

Kissing a Girl

   Jake just got the lead in the home school play, the "Romancers," which is a modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet.
    Apparently, Jake has to KISS Sally Jones, who was cast as Juliet.
    Jake says to me, "This might be the most significant challenge of my life to date."

My funny aunt

   I have an aunt that is very funny.
   She left her conservative Christian upbringing for a more lively, unorthodox life of giving to the poor.
   The funny thing about her is that, in her lack of what some would call "faith," she has no trust that anyone will ever help this one, or that one, poor soul.  She doesn't pray for people, that they will one day be healed or saved or helped.  She does not have that kind of faith.
   In its absence, she goes and helps them.
   How wonderful is that.  A little lack of faith, in this case, has been a fire under her feet and has done many people a lot of good.  

Favorite Moments

1) Opening a box from Amazon with more phonics workbooks and classic lit. books, and the kids going wild with excitement.
2) Annie directing the older kids in a play and the older kids taking her direction and asking her what their next lines should be.
3) Clare reading 40 pages of the novel Pinnochio without any help at all.
4) Jake figuring out how the Federal Reserve impacts interest rates (by buying bonds).
5) My roses finally blooming again, now that the temp has dropped under 100 degrees and we have finally gotten some rain.

Total Dependence--Still Learning!

   I am still learning how to have total dependence on God!
   Will I be late to the doctor's?  I made myself relax and depend on God.
   Will I be late to an event with my cousins?  I made myself relax and I asked God that I be seated in my chair at the table by noon.  I relaxed, got there, and was seated at the table by noon.
    Doing this trusting bit, it makes me realize how little I have trusted God throughout my 25 years as a Christian.  I am so sick about that!  I feel so bad!
    It is a blessing, though, to begin now.  Better late than never!
 

Brains Wake Up!

   I was so tired today.  I had to push myself through home school.  We had been at UTD last night, Ron and I giving a presentation on Catholic Family Life to the Catholic student group on that campus.  We brought all our kids.  We all had a blast!  But we paid for it today.
   So we were dragging through the day.
   But then we did medieval history.  We had already begun Mohammed, certainly fitting for medieval history.  We continued with his story today--after his flight to Medina, the formation of the Koran, and the beginning of the Muslim military struggle with Mecca.  Mohammed won.
   So the kids and I got into a long discussion about Muslims.  We talked about current events, and how some of them trace back to this very story about Mecca.
   I could practically see five little lights get ignited in their five little brains.  Even Annie made us all go to the world map, and she showed us Afghanistan--almost correctly, I might add!
   It was strange: it was such a genuine engagement of their minds--all off the cuff, and I had already quit an hour before we began.
   Home schooling is just an unbelievable environment: the chance to catch fire, intellectually, spiritually, and personally, whenever you are least expecting it.  

Family Ties

I sure love my Mom and Sister! 

     What we have been through: the three of us moving to NY when Kim and I were 5 and 7 years old; bringing our goldfish, Fishy and Bubbles, on the airplane with us in a baggy in Mom's purse; rollerskating and having lemonade stands on Madison Avenue;  summer camp family pickup weekends; weddings; graduations.  

    Deep down, these two ladies are the bedrock of my formation as a person. 

    I love you both!!

Embarrassing

    Can you believe how embarrassing it is to have a weed growing in the flower pot by your front door that is as tall as your children??

Dependence on God

    Teresa of Avila says in her Interior Castles (one of my favorite books of all time) that she has experienced 7 stages of the spiritual life, of progress toward union with God.
    I imagine that some would object, as though you could be more or less holy.  We all fall short (Rom. 8:28), right?
   But on the other hand, every new Christian just knows in her heart, I would think, that she has a long way to go, that she needs cultivation of new habits, mindsets, behaviors, etc.  And that is what Teresa says, only she lays out typical steps that she has taken, and as an Abbess of an order of nuns, of what she has commonly seen among younger Christians.
    So to the point: there are these 7 steps, that many people take, more or less.
    The fifth one is characterized by a new and total sense of dependence on God.  I am still working with the first step, and with the second, and the third and the fourth.  I am such a beginner.  I am really still on the first step.

    But as for this issue of dependence, goodness, how desperately God is trying to teach me this lesson, and how terribly I am receiving it!
    Every day, things fall apart.  I get exasperated.  I just do not have enough time in the day to do it all! And then I think, "Oh yes!   Total dependence on God!"  And I throw myself at His feet, and ask Him to solve my problem, or show me the right way.
   It is amazing how much He responds!

Our New Dog!

   
     I love our new dog!  I was so longing for a dog, and we picked the perfect one!  She is a Brittany, and she is very, very sweet!  She is perhaps the runt of the litter, and very docile.  But her breed is energetic, so I am thinking that will be the perfect combo for our family.
    Her name is Franny.
    We love St. Francis, the patron saint of animals.  And Rosie, our family dog of 12 years, passed away on the feast day of St. Francis.  So in a way, it is a sign of our love for her.  There is, additionally, a woman close to my mom and her siblings, from many years ago who was very, very special to them.  I did not know her, but am grateful to her for all she did for my mom, aunts and uncle.  So, Franny is the perfect name!
    The kids are raising this pup. feeding her, taking her out.  I have had to do SO LITTLE.  She is just adorable.  She jumps around, plays with all of us.  She is just a dream.
    Poor thing, though.  In her 48 hours in our home, she has been subjected to cymbals, piano lessons, Annie insisting on calling her "Lily Star," and even falling into the pool once (yikes!)!  For all our efforts, it is just no small thing to be initiated into this household!  It is like hazing. :)
    Well, welcome, Franny!

Happy Birthday, Jacob!

It is amazing that Jake is 12 years old!  I simply cherish raising this boy--who is almost a man.  What a privilege!

Pointe Shoes

   Mary began ballet on pointe this week!  What a huge event!
   All 5 kids are doing music--another big change!
I am blessed, and so grateful for the life given to me and for the life I get to choose.  What a gift.

Dog's Name

We're about to get a puppy--I am so excited!
She is a Brittany.
We've been working hard on dog names.
After many suggestions--Molly, Meg, Pippi,Astred, Minnie (for Minerva), a hundred variations on the theme of her being a caramel color--Clare shouts out, "Nipples!"
Ron and I laughed so hard that we cried.  We kept laughing all day--can you imagine petting someone's dog, asking her name, and being told, "Nipples,"??  I can roll with a lot.  But I think I would be unable to keep composure with that one.

(We asked Clare why that name, and she said because she was thinking how puppies nip at you.  Very intriguing!)

The Love Languages: A Sixth!

    Gary Chapman's book on the Five Love Languages says that there are five: gift giving, acts of service, personal touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.
    But I say that there is a sixth: baking!  It is a whole language of love to cook all day--or for several days--to show your love for someone!
    We cooked all day for Papa Harville's birthday: to show him our love for him!
    It was blessed.  A rare treat of an evening.

Leigh loves playing piano!

   I am teaching Leigh an introduction to piano.  She cannot get enough!  She is really good at it--playing the right and and let hand at the same time, but doing different notes.  She works hard, and you can see her little head laboring to get it.  And then she does!  She is so proud of her little songs!  She goes around the house humming the simple tunes.  
    This morning the first thing she said to me was, "Mom, can we start the day with a piano lesson?"

Talents

       Clare is so unique!  So far behind in reading, so peculiar in her questions that lack any and all common sense.  :)
       Her strengths, however, are excellent!
1)  She is fantastic at cursive
2) She is fantastic at baking
3) She is excellent at washing dishes
4) She is fascinated with science--biology
5) She has a tender heart for all animals
6) She loves Bible stories

     Her newest talent, however, appeared today!  I began a Charlotte Mason style grammar book with Mary and Clare.  That means, sitting with them on the couch, reading this book, and discussing it aloud.  They were doing subjects and predicates: filling in missing ones.

    Clare was filling in the most hilarious subjects or predicates!  Mary, Clare and I were laughing to the point of tears.

   "My cousin Kenneth___________" and Clare says, "has a gorilla eye."
   "My cousin Kenneth __________" and Clare says "has spiky hair."
   "The white pony __________" and Clare says "has a big bottom."
   "The poor sailor ___________" and Clare says "broke his deck."

     She was so quick and funny--perhaps she will be a creative writer!

I love my Clare.  I have never had anything be so rewarding as watching her, after a hard start in her first few years, come to life.  

Rat-A-Touille

    At dinner last night, we decided to make ratatouille for PaPa Harville's birthday dinner.
    The entire rest of the conversation was horrible jokes about rats that are chewy!
    Yuk!

An Order of Carmelite Moms

    I love the Carmelite nuns and monks.  I keep wanting to join the part of their order that is for single and married lay people.
    But they have requirements that are so time consuming, that I am yet unable to participate.  My children are too young and my time is too limited.
    I keep thinking: but I am the one who needs the grace the most!
    We need to invent an order of Carmelite Moms, who have fewer time commitments but who are encouraged to transform the intensity of their daily challenges into intense offerings for God!

Metaphysics of Motherhood

    I have just written the first 53 pages of a book, The Metaphysics of Motherhood.  It is a Chariots of Fire moment: just like the runner was born to run, I was born to write this book!

Being a true "Progressive"

    This week we celebrated the feasts of Augustine and his mother, Monica.
    Augustine is the one who reminds me that our faith, faith in the Person of Christ, is not only for the poor, the weak and the humble (which it certainly is) but is also for the most progressive, the most intelligent, and the most sophisticated.
     Progressive people are often people with their minds turned "on," discerning how to make the world a better place, whether that be through education, politics or social change.  They are people who use their minds to some good purpose.
     But St. Augustine beckons us toward the highest of the available positions, toward honestly recognizing that the human heart cannot be its most successful without acknowledging its need for God and for the peace of Christ.
     "My heart is restless until it rests in Thee," Augustine writes in the first chapter of the Confessions.  This is the confession of a brilliant mind who had climbed the ladder of success and won the favor of the secular elite.  With all his worldly gains, he was left with a restlessness that could only be satiated by resting in the heart of Christ.
     In its most pure moment, the human person realizes that all the advancement imaginable is worthless unless it is an advance toward and with God.
     And let us applaud his mother, Monica, without whose persistent prayers, her progressive son would never have found what true "progress" means.  

Annie's First Day of School!

Annie is going to a half day Montesorri program with Ms. Polly--an old friend and wonderful lady.
Many children (that are 3 years old) cry when they are dropped off on their first day.
Annie cried when we picked her up!  Walking to the car, she cried that she had not gotten to do all the activities she had wanted to do!
I don't know if all children are well-suited for Montesorri.  But Annie was MADE for it.
Hooray!!!!

Jake's Newspaper

   Jake and I spent most of yesterday working on his newspaper: he is creating a student-run newspaper with some of his friends.  He has written 2 articles for the first issue, to be released in September: "Bears Are Lurking" regarding the potential return to a bear market, and "How is DART Doing?" regarding the Dallas light rail system.  He also created a word search, with names of artists.  It was delightful to hear him rattle off 20 artists with whom he was familiar.

  I love him having this sort of opportunity.
  I hope the newspaper turns out well!  I am a little nervous!   

Back yard renovations

    After five years, Ron and I are finally in the home stretch on landscaping our back yard!  We put in countless hours this weekend revamping our flower beds: new border, excavating excess buildup, putting in new mulch, taking out failed plants, putting in some new ones, checking and improving the sprinkler system (was in horrible shape!), and weeding and refertilizing the raised vegetable garden beds.
    Still to do: put in a hummingbird garden area, install soaker hoses (replacing the horrible sprinklers in flower beds) and revamp area behind the pool.
    That's all child's play compared to what we just accomplished!
    And I need more Advil.

Marc Chagall and Wonderful Grandparents

     Marc Chagall t-shirts all around!  Granny has done it again: knowing how absolutely thrilled we were to get to see the Chagall exhibit in Paris (a one time only collection of Chagall paintings from around the world, including from private collections), she came to Dallas bearing Chagall t-shirts for the kids!

    Then Mom, Dad, Ron and I went to dinner--a rare and delightful double date--to a nearby Thai restaurant.

   We talked about the book(s) I am working on, motherhood, the Catholic Church, and New Mexico.  It was a true joy!  How I love my parents!

Math U See--Our New Favorite Program

    Where has this been all my life?  I love this math program!
    When I started teaching our oldest math, he was very quick.  He understood concepts easily and without much demonstration.  So I thought I could teach math.  :)

    Then, the following three children have not been so quick, starting off strong (MCP math books) but getting caught at some point or another.  I had no tools for those moments.  I just tried my very best to explain the concept as clearly as I could.  But no matter how hard I tried, I found I was not good at it.  I wished they could just intuit what I was saying.
    A mom in our Sacred Heart homeschool group mentioned that she likes Math U See, and that stuck in my mind.  I have heard a lot of people saying they do Saxon, which we have also done (esp. for higher grades), but I am not a fan at all.
    We ended the year last school year with 2 of my daughters stuck on place value: carrying over and borrowing.  Well, researching for this year's curricula, I googled Math U See, and the gentleman gave a video demonstration of that exact issue.  And it was rather brilliant.
    So I bought the whole thing (teacher manuals, student books, manipulatives) for three of my kids.  I have been doing it exactly as instructed.  The lights are going off in these girls' heads and are saying, "Oh, I get it!"  A hundred pound burden is lifting from my shoulders!
   It will take some instruction time this year, but one of my year goals is for all four older children to love math.  That is just something that a homeschool child ought to be able to say.  It is just something that a homeschool teacher ought to be able to achieve.  I am optimistic that I have my resource for making that happen!      

To Homeschool or Not To Homeschool . . .

      A new school is coming to town, and I have been discerning whether to continue homeschooling.  

      The results: DEFINITELY continue homeschooling!

      

     Even though it is SO MUCH MORE WORK FOR ME, it is the best investment I know how to make.  What we are seeing come to pass because of homeschooling is: 

1) A closeness among all the kids with each other and with both of us parents, that is unmistakable, and that I imagine will make a significant difference throughout their adulthood.  I want to live the rest of my life knowing that I had done everything I could to foster LOVE among us, and strangely, rather than getting sick of their parents, kids cannot seem to get enough attention from us.  They absorb it, relish it, and enjoy it--I guess all people love to be seen, observed, and known.  

2) An identity that is shaped entirely by their faith, by desiring to be close to God and pleasing to God.  Homeschooling clears away lots of the distractions from this critical formation.  

3) Avoiding the negative socialization that they would get from their peers at school.  

4) Lastly, but almost most importantly, a state of BEING AWAKE and ENGAGED with almost everything that is going on around them.  I felt like I was on autopilot for the first 25 years of my life, going through motions.  I can see the glazed over look in so many children's eyes.  But so many homeschooled children, including ours, are thinking, anticipating, and participating in their environment.  This raises the chances that for their adulthood, they will be awake, engaged, and reflective, both in terms of externals (like school/work, etc.), but also in terms of internals, such as being able to listen to one's inner voice, be in touch with one's authentic self, and being able to hear the voice of God.    

   Having other schools to choose from makes it seem so tempting to take the easier course.  But for us, I believe that the best choice I can make is to homeschool our children.  

   I have my Louisiana friends to thank for showing me the option of homeschooling!  God bless them--without them, we would likely never have had this doorway of grace opened to us.  Thank you, friends! 

Offering Up Suffering

    I was having a terrible moment.  I could not pray or feel God at all.  I was feeling trapped in despair.
    Then, I recalled Jesus on the cross saying, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"  And I too felt forsaken.  Yet that linked me back with Jesus, and made Him not feel so far after all.
    So I decided, against all odds, to offer my upset up--to be joined with Christ in His suffering on the cross, for the resolution of that problem.  I repeated over and over, "I offer it up for the solution to this problem.  I offer it up for the solution to this problem."  I must have repeated that a hundred times.

    It worked.  Offering up suffering can be done from the most despondent of places--because Christ too was despondent.

My Entire Food Intake Today

Juice to drink all day long--ah, how marvelous I will feel tomorrow!

House of Mercy

    Years ago we named our home, "The House of Mercy."
     This week, what that meant was to be kind and gentle with poor Jacob when he got the dentist report of his having 3 cavities!
     Mercy is helping him throughout the year to care for his teeth well, and then being kind no matter what the report is, if he has done the best he can.
     Mercy is having good boundaries, preventing problems, giving the best you have to helping one another flourish as people.  Then, we can be gentle when problems do arise.
     God help us to be merciful!

Abandonment of One's Self to God

     Speaking about belief, Benedict XVI writes, "[Belief is] the trustful placing of myself on a ground that upholds me, not because I have made it and checked it by my own calculations, but rather, precisely because I have not made it and cannot check it.  It expresses abandonment of oneself to what we neither make nor need to make," (Intro to Christianity, p. 75).
     The world makes us tense.  The world is a dangerous place in many regards.  But what is most dangerous of all is to put all our trust in only ourselves, our own navigation and decision-making and value.
     We are meant to abandon ourselves to Another.  We are designed, like a seed that blossoms only after it has fallen to the ground and died, to fall into the arms of the One who IS.  When we fall into Him and die to ourselves, only then do we find the true fulfillment of who we are.
     There is only one God; all other gods who say they are gods are evil in disguise.  There is only one trustworthy God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God revealed in the person and life of Jesus.
     But we are not to think about, calculate or control our relationship with God.  We are meant to turn ourselves over and abandon ourselves to Him.  As Benedict writes, "Christian faith is more than the option in favor of a spiritual ground to the world; its central formula is not 'I believe in something,' but 'I believe in you,'" (p. 79).
      I believe in Jesus, the revelation of the one true God, and I abandon myself to Him.

Well, that was quick!

    Bosco is already gone!  His rescuer took him back today.
    Bosco bites, wets, tries to escape, and tears things up.

    I am not sure why this woman put a sign for him on the door of a toy store.  
    THAT was a supreme miscommunication.
    She was saying: "Please, let some sweet children have him."  But she knew better!  Goodness.
 
    God saved us from 1) injury and harm, 2) destroyed property, 3) losing the dog by running away months into having him, 4) having to give him away after months of trying to make it work.  It was a blessing that we only had him for 2 days, and with benign ways of learning what his behaviors are, were quick to give him back.
    I am so relieved that we are all safe and that he is back with someone who can handle him!
    What a blessing.

Our New Dog

    We have just adopted a rescue dog.  It happened rather unexpectedly: our family was entering a toy store.  Ron saw a sign for a dog that needs a home.  Hours later, Ron was uncharacteristically sulky.  I asked him what was the matter.  He said, "That dog on the sign looked just like TJ [his dog from childhood]."
      A few hours later I suggested that we get the phone number and at least inquire about him.  The kids got wind of this suggestion, and within minutes had named him "Bosco" for St. John Bosco who rescued street kids and established an oratory for boys during challenging times in Milan a hundred years ago.  Bosco was a dog that needed rescuing, just like these boys, they cried.
     They begged and begged for us to get Bosco.  Ron and I considered all the reasons it might be imprudent, and talked through each issue.  But the issues seemed resolvable: we have always been a family who had room for a dog, and still are.
     My criteria for a new dog were: 1) does not shed, 2) able to bond well with family members, 3) calm.
    We went to meet Bosco, and he was certainly all three!  A big-hearted mutt, he seemed almost like a  person in his ability to relate, bond and enjoy the company of others.
    We researched his various breeds, and he is part Briard, which is the kind of dog "Nanna" in "Peter Pan" was.  He is a shaggy old thing that is wonderful with children.  He has big floppy ears and hair that hangs over his eyes.  He is docile and sweet--a total joy.
    He transitioned here on Wednesday.  We were told to expect him to whine and cry a lot at first, and to resist settling down at night.  The lady even gave us doggy Benedryl to help him sleep at night.  We have seen none of these traits: Bosco acts like he has lived here his whole life, just lying at our feet, resting under the busy dining table, or sitting along side one or another of us as we talk, paint, draw, read or work.  He is a delight.  Welcome to our home, Bosco!

Melt your Heart

   Clare's 8th birthday party--oh, I love 8 year olds!  They are so sweet and confident at the same time.
Here are 12 giggling girls, laughing at the wind blowing out the birthday candles:

So precious!  I pray that Clare has a blessed year!  God be with her!

Kimmy's Cabinet

    I bought this unfinished china cabinet 13 years ago--when I was pregnant with Jacob.  It has taken me all this time to paint it!  But finally, this was my chance.  So the girls and I grabbed it!  Four colors later, it turned out--it is more turquoise than this picture shows.  I love it!  It is next to AB's painted cheese board--I love AB.  On the other side is a chalkboard that I got in downtown Covington--my favorite spot on earth.  I love Covington and all my friends there!
    As we painted, I offered it all up for Kimmy, who is going through a challenging situation.  To me, it will always be "Kimmy's cabinet," the physical presence of my ongoing prayer for God to triumph in Kim's life and in all her endeavors!

Impressionists

Here are four masterpieces in the works!
     A Renoir. . .

    A Manet. . .

   A Van Gogh. . . .

   And a Mickey Mouse!

Leigh Loading the Dishwasher

   Here is Leigh's first attempt ever at loading a dishwasher:

     I'd hate to see all the broken pottery if she had actually run it like that!
     And this is the sink, after she announced that the kitchen was "clean."

 
She really is trying, though!  She has a great attitude!

Leigh's Growing Up

    Leigh is growing up.  A year ago, I was remorseful that she would--she was so darned cute.
    But I am entirely surprised--she is all the more delightful as she gets older.
    Yesterday the girls and I pained for hours.  At the end of it, I announced that I was done for the day, and they would have to finish their masterpieces tomorrow.
    I knew that Leigh would have preferred to keep painting, but nevertheless she declared, "Well allll-right, then!  Thaaaaaaaaank you, Moooooom!!!!"  Her adult matter-of-factness was a shocker, and it melted my heart.
    She is also the most earnest of all the kids in evening family prayer.  She really waxes on quite adamantly: "THANK YOU, SO much, Lord, for AAAAAALLLLLLLL that you DID for us today!!!"  Gosh, it is sweet.
 

SAT phones

     Satellite phones, or SAT phones, can place a call from any spot, no matter how remote, on the earth.
     My dear husband needs one of those--give him five minutes, and he has hit a wilderness trail!  He is off with Jake, taking him on a "coming of age" 12th birthday trek through the Sangre de Christi mountains.
     I made him get a SAT phone, or something like it, so as to be able to call a ranger or emergency help, if one of them gets injured.
     I do not know whether to be excited and proud of them, or terrified!
     Regardless, I will spend the week at home with the girls painting, gardening, going through photographs, preparing for homeschooling, and writing.  I love times like these!

Sisters and Brothers

   Sisters are so important!!
   So good to see Kimmy today!
   Ken went on a run with Ken this morning--which promptly put Ron back in bed! :)  They are training for a marathon together.

   What a blessing they are in our lives!  Boy, I love ALL my sisters and brothers.  Goodness, how important they all are to me!

Lisieux

    The real reason we went to France was to go on pilgrimage to Lisieux.  We got to go to the monastery in which St. Therese of Lisieux spent her years as a nun.  We spent the day there, praying and talking with the kids about her.
    We named Annie "Anne Therese" because of Therese of Lisieux.  Therese is a doctor of the Church.  She is acclaimed as having stated wisdom that far exceeds normal wisdom.  Her main message is that what God appreciates and values is not great things, but rather even the smallest of things, done with great love.  This is a statement, reflecting and exposing the heart of the Gospel, that has profoundly shaped my life.
    Therese also states things in a most extraordinary way.  She talks about loving Jesus in a way that takes my breath away.  It would be scandalous if it were not so perfect.  She says, for example, that Jesus wearies of hearing our cries and then watching us walk away.  Instead, she wants to be the person who loves Him better than anyone on earth.  So, she says, she will love Him, take care of Him, and not dump her miseries on Him.  She will be a person whom He can take comfort and repose in.  This is almost wrong to my mind--but the truth in it is more than profound.
    Years ago, Ron and I wrote our own novena to Therese, asking for the job at the University of Dallas.  The job was unlikely to get, by a long shot.  When Ron got it, we have always thanked God and attributed Therese's prayers for us as the probable cause.
    Furthermore, the University of Dallas is what brought us to Rome.  We would never, ever have made a trip like that except for it being a work trip for Ron.  So, to say thank you both to God and to Therese for her prayers that made all this possible, we traveled to Lisieux.  Oh, what a joy!!
   For me, it was a powerful prayer experience to be there.  It was shocking--they say that to go on pilgrimage, blessings can be given by God to the one who has labored to arrive at the holy site.  Goodness, this proved to be true for me.  My prayer life has been quite transformed by the visit.  A huge block that I had has been removed, and peace of a certain kind given.
    God wants us to have good friends, holy friends.  God wants us to stick close to His people.  They rub off on us, and we become like the company we keep.  Being friends with Therese is one of the best things about our life.  It is the smartest thing we can do for ourselves!
    Thank you, God, for your holy people who show us how to love you better!
    Happy Feast of Mt. Carmel (one day late)!

More Highlights from the City of Lights

Notre Dame--"Our Lady" at the center of the rose window, and at the center of the city!

St. Andre des Arts, my favorite street.

St. Chapelle--my very favorite!  It would be worth buying a new camera lenses just to photograph this chapel!

Ron included street art in his art/literature class this summer--and we saw Space Invader two times, both on the Seine!

I love the mussels in the brasseries!  But we usually ate baguettes and ham that we carried around in Jake's backpack.

Cotton candy at the Eiffel Tower--Ron took the older ones up at midnight one night!

The Musee d'Orsay, in an old train station.

We spent plenty of time in trains of the underground sort!

Ron and I took our honeymoon in Paris.  Here is where we stayed--now back, 15 years later with five children!

     That says it all, in a way.  Where are we in life?  What have we done, and where are we going?  This week we got a glorious chance to have this highlight, celebrating our family's life and growth, our love of God, each other, and this extraordinary world in which we live.  May we contribute to it, enrich it, pray for all that is in in, and give thanks for it!