Palm Sunday

     "What's the point of Palm Sunday?"  I asked my kids this morning.
     "Jesus' entrance into Jerusalem!" one kid shouted.
     "The people waved palms, as though Jesus was their king!" another announced.
     "That's right," I said.   "But what about the fact that Jesus gets crucified, just days later?  These same people shout 'Crucify him!' this same week.  What is the point we are to see?"
      After a rich discussion, with Ron filling in Scriptural background regarding the anticipated messiah, we concluded that the people desperately wanted a king, a leader, whom they loved and identified with.  They loved this would-be-king who healed the sick and raised the dead.  But they did not want to accept scourging, false accusation, a crown of thorns, nor a cross.  Most people shy away from such things.  But not Jesus.  He chose those things.  He accepted them willingly."
    "So, this week is about spiritual maturity.  It is about loving Jesus, not just because he loves us a gives us what we want.  It is about loving Jesus, and learning how to embrace our crosses."
     That's what our family came up with as a reference point, as to how to see today's liturgy and those of this upcoming week!  Imperfect, I'm sure.  But it's something!

Adolescent Girls

   Poor adolescent girls!  It is just so hard!
   I picked Mary up from school, and she burst into tears when she sat down in the car.  I asked her what was wrong, and she said, "Nothing!"  I had to laugh.  Being 12 is just h.a.r.d.
    Still seeming miserable, I told her, "I'm going to get you a milkshake.  You deserve it!"  She perked up.
    I went and got her one, but I got some for the other kids too, since today is a Feast Day during Lent, and so we get a treat.  She came to the car, picked up the carton of milkshakes, and then promptly FELL TO THE GROUND and spilled the milkshakes all over the side walk!
    POOR GIRL!!!
    She cried again, saying she was just a mess.
    I spent the rest of the evening joking with her, letting her watch a movie, and telling her funny stories.  She was great, and handled it with lots of humor.  And she got a milkshake after all.
    Sweet girl.  These times will pass.  Just gotta love a 12 year old through that time!

Water Balloon of Throw Up

    Apparently, Jake just threw up so much all over his classroom, that the boys through someone had burst a water balloon!
     Now I have to put my money where my mouth is.  Just this past Saturday, I held a retreat in my home for Catholic moms.  It was so much fun--so many moms, giving testimonies, sharing, praying.  We had 2 priests there, hearing confessions and saying mass.  It was magnificent.
     I created a little video of moms sharing about themselves along the theme of "One Thing I Do Right."  They share one thing they do right as a mom.  I was at the end of the video, and I said that I offer up messes: diapers, throw up, and so forth.
    Well, this latest vomiting episode, of which I am sure there will be more to come today and tomorrow at least, is just the most recent in a string of sicknesses that goes back to mid-Jan.   The throw up, fevers, sore throats, strep, etc., has been relentless.  And I thought we might just be done!  But here we go again, as Ray Charles sings.
     So, I need to muster up the will to offer it up.  For whom?  For what?  I have one main intention for my sister that I have been offering the sicknesses up for.  So, writing this out is helping me.  I am going to go sit in a quiet room, and imagine that intention coming true.  Then I will not mind one bit, when the kids call me downstairs, shouting, "Mom!  Jake just threw up again!"

Inconstant Moods

What a passage this is!  This identifies what I am focusing on in terms of spiritual progress:

     "How I fear when I see how inconstant I am.  I am now gay, now sad: today I am friendly with everyone, tomorrow I am like a hedgehog that no one can touch without being pricked.  This is a sign that nature still reigns within us, that our passions are still unfortified and that we have very little virtue.  A man who leans on God is immovable and cannot be overthrown.  Whatever happens that is annoying, he is pleased because he has no other will than that of God.  O happy peaceful state!  But we must fight to obtain it."  (St. Claude de la Colombiere)

Tired?

Spring Break with Clare and Sebastian

    Some of our kids have a stomach bug.  So sad!  So, determined to keep the baby--who had just recovered from being sick for a solid month when this bug hit our home--from catching it, I high-tailed it to a hotel!  Clare asked to come with me, and I said "Yes!"
   Three days later, we have been having a blast!

The week is over, and we have to go home.  Who knows if we will get sick now--I'm not convinced that everyone at home is completely well. But at least I will be able to handle it better!  I have been truly refreshed.  I LOVED my week!  The time with Clare was priceless.  And Sebastian--what a charmer.  This time is going by so fast.  It was wonderful to slow down, and only do ONE THING at a time.  That helps me be able to soak up the delight of this fleeting, beautiful time of life.  

The Eucharistic Charism of Motherhood

   I had lunch today with a new friend, Monica.  What a woman!  Well, I got to share with her my vision of the Eucharistic charism of motherhood.  All I had to say was, "This is my body, broken for you."  She said, "Oh yes!  I get it!"
    I said,  "I'm broken every day, and it is an offering for someone else!  My body gets broken in pregnancy and childbirth.  I shed blood for someone else.  My life plans get broken.  For me, my career got broken.  Most days, my comfort gets broken.  Many things get broken, when you are a mom.   My vocation is to participate in Christ offering his body, blood, soul, and life, for someone else."
 

Organizing Bookshelves

   How cathartic it was yesterday to spend my first whole day of spring break organizing all the books on our shelves!  They were in such disarray.  Oh, all that Christian spiritual literature in one place!  All the Greek philosophy, all the early Christian thought, all the medieval philosophy, all the fiction, all the history--each in its own section!!  I found so many books I had forgotten about, and so many I had recently thought I'd like to find.  I found them!
    Organizing on the "outside" does such good for my soul.  It refreshes me on the inside.  I love my books!
    I'm sure that the thrill of the undertaking was on multiple levels.  It was not only the joy of being organized, but was also a sign that, after 13 years of not reading to any significant degree, I'm getting back in the game.  Perhaps the thrill of it was most of all that  books are in my near future and that, therefore, so is a very real part of who I am.  God made some people runners.  They are born to run.  He made others musicians.  They are born to sing, play or compose.  Me?  God made me to think--to sift through the world's great insights about God and the world He made, and to ponder them.  It has been an untold sacrifice to put all that on the back burner, while I "learned" a new way: not in my mind through ideas, but in my heart through actions.   One cannot be truly wise without this kind of "learning."
    But I am overjoyed that God is now allowing me to synthesize the two, and return to some measure of academic work.  I do that as a person transformed, having found my priestly vocation through motherhood (Lumen Gentium).  I thank God for having designed my life, far better than I could have designed it myself.  

Leigh's Declaration

   With Mary off at school, we have all been pondering whether Clare and Leigh would like to go to school too, next year.  I am praying about it, and asking God to show me His plan for each of them.
    Yesterday, Leigh announced with great sincerity, "I have decided that I want to homeschool through high school.  I like our homeschool."  I was overjoyed!  I will keep praying, and whatever God wills, we will do.  But I feel really confident about homeschooling each child until about 6th grade.  I think the formation at home, as well as the education, is just what each one needs.  I like keeping a child at home through that period, so that I can make the most of this short time of life with them, and give them all I have to give them.  I do not want to coast on "autopilot" and then regret it later.
    While Leigh cannot even envision life past 6th grade, and so the comment about going through high school needs to be taken with a grain of salt, I am very pleased that she desires to be home, for the short term at least.
    And Clare?  I do not know!  Next week I am going to meet with the head of the one Catholic school around here that has room for her, and I will pray for discernment.
    But I will say that yesterday, I spent a lot of the afternoon with Clare.  She and I enter a whole new place, when she does not have siblings around.  She really lights up.  I want to make sure that I bring that light to the fullest, before she goes off to school.  I want to bring out the most of her faith formation, and her character formation.  She is a beautiful creature of God, and I want to make sure she is equipped. I want her to discover her identity in Christ, who she is and why she is lovable, in our home.  Then and only then will she be ready to brave the confusing messages of the world.
 

Being Misunderstood

     One of my biggest challenges in life is being misunderstood.   It happened again recently: a friend insists that I said one thing, when I am sure I did not.  Having tried to correct her opinion, and seeing her continued insistence, my ego burns and my insides sting.  I just hate being thought badly of, especially when its not even true.
     This incident reminds me of a time when I was in high school.  A friend accused me, but in that case, she was correct.  And it stung so bad that I parted ways with her and our friendship ended.  High school was just brutal!
    But now, I have been accused, and it is not even true.  A worse situation.
    The insight that I am just reeling over, that I am just astounded by, is how much being a Christian helps me in life.  I find my life before being a Christian bankrupt--devoid of resources to get through tough times.  In my current trouble, sure, my guts sting.  But I am comforted by Christ, who too was falsely accused.  I get to keep Him company, and find His companionship.  We are "buddies."
    In high school, I parted ways with a friend because of the pain.  Now, as a Christian, I have a way to deal with that pain.  Even though this pain is worse, I do not have to part ways with anyone.  I can be mercy: I can stay in the friendship, and forgive, and let go.  
     As a Christian, anything that helps us imitate Christ is a PLUS in life.  Anything that draws us into His path, His story, is good for us.  So, even through my stinging guts are not entirely cooled off, I still get the consolation that God wants me to suffer this humiliation.  God has a blessing for me in it.  (God does sometimes causes sufferings, despite what Calvinists claim: see Prov. 3:11-12; Isa. 45:6-7; Deut. 32:39; 1 Sam. 2:6-7).  For, we have to admit that as awful as it was, the Father desired Christ's humiliation, passion and death.  It was part of the Divine Plan for the salvation of the world.  And so too, God desires my current suffering, because it burns away my ego.  That burning, stinging feeling--that is my ego, that needs to be purified.  I will not be like Christ, I will not be a saint, as long as there is anything to sting in the first place.  So, I say, "YES!"  I embrace my humiliation, and I say, "Let the sting continue!"  What I realized this morning is that I am really faulty.  I am not righteous, but often wrong.  In this case, I think I am right, but how often am I just plain wrong?  I want to be the kind of humble person who says, "Yep, I'm wrong."  I want to be the kind of person who can go there in no time--practically immediately.  Oh, I love being around people who are like that!  So humble!  I'm not yet one of them.  But I hope to be soon!  God help me, give me humility!