Quoting Shakespeare

    I will forever be grateful to Lisa and the homeschool co-op for putting on Shakespeare plays.  Our kids have memorized so much Shakespeare, just by reading the scripts, being in the plays and hearing the speeches over and over in rehearsals!
     A Midsummer Night's Dream: "Oh what fools these mortals be!"

Aunt Kimmy's Bedtime Story

What an awesome aunt! We love you, Aunt Kimmy!!!!!!

Mary's Tears

    Mary approached me in tears yesterday.  She asked me if we could talk.  She said, "I have been praying that God would give me the courage to talk with you."
    Oh, poor girl!  I, of course, encouraged her for a long time about how she could tell me anything.  We discussed how no one is perfect, and how "there are no perfect people allowed in this house."  We read Romans 3:23, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  I told her that I have messed up many, many times, and that God's specialty is being merciful.  That presumes that we are going to mess up!  God is ready and waiting for us to mess up and then come to Him!  And so am I, as a mother.
    So she finally told me what it was.  And it was so, so precious.  She cried, and I quickly comforted her.  I wrote out a graph of her life, and we charted, drew, discussed.  Soon I had her laughing, shocked, amazed, and curious.
    At the end of it, she was radiant.  She was so happy.
    Five times, throughout the evening, she said to me, "Mom, whenever something happens again, I will come to you!"
    I was so grateful.  That one conversation set us on a path that we can remain on for decades.  We might deviate, but then we can find it again.  So glad to have created the first step of that path!!

Pro-Life Motherhood Ministry

     I am so amazed at how God is calling me to ministry.  I used to think that one day I would maybe write a book or two.  But God has put upon me a very specific calling!  So funny how this week, liturgically, was all about "hearing the Shepherd's voice!"  He sure can make Himself heard!
     The calling is to build up mothers, or potential mothers, who might be ambivilant about motherhood.  This scope includes mothers considering abortion.
     I was struck all of a sudden one day, pulling out of our supermarket parking lot, and seeing a low-income mother with a car full of children.  There is an abortion facility across the way from the supermarket.  I was praying for the moms in the abortion facility as I glanced at this woman with all these children.  I thought: "God bless her!  She did not have to have all these children, and yet she chose to keep them!"  Then God said, "Help HER!  Help women like her.  Give them the resources that I have given you."
    I don't have many resources.  But I have the little things that I do with my children that bring some peace, order and joy into our home.  I have a few tricks or behaviors that help me not to get upset, and instead to problem-solve.  They really help us in our home, and joy is the result.
    The next time I prayed about it, again, I heard what is distinctly His voice.  He said, "All multi-media--all video.  What if my Daughter cannot read?"  And so I thought, "Lord, you know I am totally defunct with media.  I hate all that stuff.  I think you have the wrong person!"
     But the next time I saw Ron, I told him about my prayer experience.  He said, "Kathryn, did you know that in the Oscars this year, the person who won "Best Documentary" filmed the whole thing on an iPhone??"  I was tickled.  Of course I can do that much!!  I do not have an iPhone with that much memory at the moment.  But I am only one iPhone away from responding to God's direction!
     The last time I prayed about it, God showed me all sorts of women I know who have all their own tricks and resources.  I think God wants lots of these resources pooled together.

    So, as God makes it possible, I will embark!

Tim Tebow

    Aunt June took Jake and me to see Tim Tebow last night at a pro-life fundraiser--what fun!  Jake got Tebow's autobiography autographed (Jake had already read the book, since Aunt Kimmy had given it to him--awesome aunt!!).  Jake got an awesome picture with him!  And here are a few extras!

    Thanks, Aunt June!  WHAT A SPECIAL NIGHT!!

Focus of Life

     Ron and I had a long conversation last night about how to focus our lives in these upcoming months and years.  What are our top goals?  He has a sabbatical coming up in a year or two, and his opportunity throws into relief this soul-searching question.
     He has several writing projects he is interested in.  So do I.  He has full professor status to reach toward.
     As the conversation progressed, he spoke of the Early Church, and how the saints about whom we have record made their decisions.  He said that the word "Martyr" comes from the Greek, meaning, "to witness."  It has nothing to do with sacrifice or death, but with giving testimony that Jesus is Lord.
    He said, "I do not really want to publish anything, even though I could and I should.  What I'd really like to do is spend my time in prayer.  Then, as those in my life have needs, to be a witness to them that Jesus is their answer."
     Most people want some sort of significance.  They want to powerfully assert themselves in the world.  But I am deeply entrenched in this question: how do we get beyond our meager selves, and powerfully assert the One who deserves it?  There is only one Person who will withstand the test of time, who, when the earth collapses and the universe dissolves, will still be there to tell the story.  I think Ron is most certainly right: Jesus is the only one who should really be our focus, and who should really be our concern.  All else passes: He endures.

It's Like Buying a Gun

     Reading through the Catechism yesterday on marriage and family life (for a particular project), I read about the calling and beauty of married couples having children.  Children are the "crowning glory" of the marriage and of the whole life of the parent, it said. I consented with all my heart to this statement.
     After having been quite clear that I am not up for another pregnancy any time soon, and after having felt this way for the past three years, suddenly I was hit with the recognition that perhaps I could have one more.
     As the day progressed, the idea grew on me and it turned into an actual, if not nascent, desire.
     I hit poor, unsuspecting Ron with it at midnight, when I had just returned from Jake and Mary's performance in A Midsummer Night's Dream (ironic, of course, since it was like having been hit with cupid's arrow, but for a baby).
     His response:
     [Silence.]
     "It's like buying a gun.  Once you say you want one, you should give it seven days before you are legally allowed to buy it.  Then, there's getting a license."

The Cross as the Axis of the World

     In my prayers this morning, I was absorbed in love for Jesus, and telling Him all the things I love about Him the most.
     I was thinking of Him as a man, the "God-man," but truly, as a person like you or like me.  Then I recalled a text from John Behr, who wrote a truly profound book, The Mystery of Christ.  He described the Cross of Christ as the axis of the world: the central reality of all that exists, and that upon which all that exists depends.
    I suddenly throughout: "Oh my goodness!  You, Lord, are so much more than I realize!  You are so much grander than I naturally imagine!"
    It is (by definition) hard to grasp an infinite God!
    "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are my ways your ways, says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts," (Isaiah 55:8-9).

     It is all the more miraculous, then, to feel the personal and loving embrace of God.  He is so simple and approachable, in all His infinite glory!  I could just sit and think about that ALL DAY LONG.  

Haunting

    Ron and I have been discussing Teresa of Avila's Interior Castle at great length recently.  I keep asking the Carmelite friars in Dallas to let me become a Carmelite, and they keep telling me "No!" because my family is too young to permit me to fulfill the obligations.  But I keep asking.  In the meantime, Ron and I are undertaking our own studies of the Carmelite texts.
     Yesterday Ron and I were discussing the third mansions (the third of seven mansions, representing the journey inward to union with God).  He said: "It is just haunting, this idea that we third-mansion-dwellers feel like we do not need God, like we do not really need the sacraments or prayer.  It is horrifying to think of how pompous we are, now that we've built up a faithful Catholic life--and then proceed to leave God out of it on a minute to minute basis!"
     It feels like dangling over an abyss, this thought that any of us might be offending God by our self-reliance.
    God help us to need Your help!
   
   

The Joy of Spring

The sunshine, the pool, the flowers--to be outdoors so much of the day is like medicine!

(Annie wearing Aunt Kimmy's gift--the cherry bathing suit)

Blooming like Gangbusters

Our roses are blooming like gangbusters!!

So is our lavender, lemon balm and chamomile--we will have homemade teas for months!!

The Grace of Needing God

     My little project is moving ahead well!  Mass was so good this morning.  I could actually feel my stubborn heart soften.  I could actually feel my middle-aged, pompous self become like a little child.  I could actually feel my hopelessness that my needs will never be fulfilled be traded out for childlike trust that God will supply all my needs, and that they are all found on the altar, in the Eucharist, and in the presence of the Holy Spirit that will be with me at every moment.  

     My earnest prayer is that God would help me to look to Him unceasingly throughout the day.  He is my Father, and I am His baby.  That seeking God is a grace.  It is unnatural.  It is not human nature to look to God to supply our need every moment--at least my nature is to be as self-reliant, competent and industrious as I can be.  To my discredit, I am such a good Pelagian (heretic of the Early Church)!  I am imploring Jesus, through His good mother, to give me the grace to become, for the first time, a good Christian.  

     Here is a quote about how to be a good Christian:

St. Louis de Montfort

Third, true devotion to Our Lady is holy, that is, it leads us to avoid sin and to imitate the virtues of Mary. Her ten principal virtues are: deep humility, lively faith, blind obedience, unceasing prayer, constant self-denial, surpassing purity, ardent love, heroic patience, angelic kindness, and heavenly wisdom.

True Devotion to Mary #108

     Oh my goodness: how I am begging for these ten virtues!

Beggars Before God

    I have long wished to be a saint, and have long struggled with the fact that I am not yet one.
    I have had various goals: praying more regularly and often, offering up pains and discomforts becoming a habit, not defending myself when wronged, and accepting the minor humiliations that come to me.
     But I am left, still nowhere near being a saint.
     Today I had a moment of insight, as to how to proceed with my pursuit of sanctity.  (God help me!)
     It is to need Jesus, all day, every day.  I desire to feel a need for God, a need that never ceases.
     Mary told Catherine Laboure that she has many gifts from her Son that she has in her possession, ready to give those who ask.  She said that she is saddened by the many gifts that people never ask for. The Miraculous Medal depicts rays of light, shining from heaven to earth.  Some of the rays, however, do not radiate.  When Catherine asked Mary about them, she said that they are graces that people do not ask for.
    I wear this medal every day.
    I am asking for this grace: to feel the need for Jesus every day.
    I am asking for the grace to go to Mass every day, and at Mass, throwing my needs upon Christ's altar.  I am asking that Jesus give me there the portion of grace I need everyday, like manna for me in the wilderness.
    I have a good friend, Patricia, whom I know feels the need for Christ all day every day.  In all of the trials of life, this sweet gift has resulted.  It is hard to appreciate gifts in a trial, but this is one that will shine with her for all eternity.
     I think this is a tremendous gift.  We are all beggars before God, at His mercy.  Yet we often feel so independent.  This is a true block to God.  God, help me to feel poignantly my need for you, and to have faith that the answer, the satisfaction of this need, is found only and entirely in You.

 

Graduation

     We are three weeks away from graduation from this school year (only to begin summer studies soon thereafter!).
     The real graduation for me, however, is from the effort I have been making for seven years to get each of our kids 1) onto equal footing with one another, where there is no child in a miserable ditch compared to the others, and 2) well mannered and behaved toward one another.
     Clare is happy and confident, and academically successful.  She has made huge strides this year.  My remedial work with her, both emotionally and academically, is done!  She is "caught up" on all fronts!
     Leigh is no longer in the shadows, hiding out behind the facade of "baby."  She is a hard worker, she is responsible, and does not make (too many) allowances for herself.
      Jake is kind to his sisters; the sisters speak kindly to one another; the frictions--replete with growling, yelling, stomping and crying--are virtually gone!
    All five kids are joyful, confident, and reverent.  They love God, and being a faithful Catholic is a solid part of their identity.
     I am so happy!  I am really going to enjoy graduation this year!!

Being in the Present

     At the prayer group I am in at church, there was a wonderful insight shared: "Fears and worries keep you living in the future.  Old hurts keep you living in the past.  If you can disengage from these things, and choose to live in the present moment, that is where God meets us, speaks to us, and reveals Himself to us."

Homeschooling is Working!

     I went to an early morning Mass yesterday.  I got home, and started a timely, orderly homeschool day.  Inspired, I moved all of the girls into the sun room where Annie's painting was going on, so that I could monitor Annie and the school girls at the same time.
     It occurred to me that Clare and Leigh were ready for daily dictations.  They have completed their handwriting books for this year, and have done copy work all along.  They have done spelling and phonics as well.  Additionally, they had learned about some punctuation, capitalization, and proper versus common nouns, and paragraph structure.  Suddenly, I realized, it had all come together.  I have recently been dictating a paragraph, and they could write it down.  We work on the spelling of some words aloud together.  It is remarkable to me how good their guesses are, how much they know.  Yesterday, we stretched to two paragraphs!  They were worn out by the time they got to the bottom of the page.  But I was about to pop open some bubbly!  They have accomplished so much!
     Additionally, Leigh and I determined what her reading should be for the rest of this school year.  She is going to finish her Little Angel Reader D, and then do 5 level one Blue Saint Books.  Clare, however, asked if she could just opt to stick with Magic Treehouse books, which are a level above those.  It is true, she is working through them with facility!  She needs some help, but she is not struggling as though reading is laborious!  What an answered prayer!
    We have almost completed an entire Children's Bible, an Ancient History book, a good amount of science, and the geography of the Mediterranean and the Middle East.  They have memorized a dozen poems, a dozen Bible versus, and have almost finished memorizing a history timeline with 144 items.  Clare is playing songs on the violin from Les Miserable and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and Mary is working up the Moonlight Sonata on the piano.  Mary now flies through novels and has written a long series of compositions of our readings of ancient history.
     There is more to do, and so much we wanted to do that we have not done.  But all in all, it suddenly feels like we have accomplished something this school year!

One Reason to be a Christian

    I have a friend whose father has prostate cancer.
    My friend is not a Christian.  She is a trendy, 21st century American.
    What is she going to do with the stress?  She is very close to her father.  She would be mortified if anything happened to him.  Now she has to endure her father receiving months of treatments, all the while not knowing how he will respond to them.
     I do not envy her father, and I envy her just as little.  I truly feel sorry for her.
     Having just gone through the death of two parents last year, I can say that I am not immune to stress.  I had bad days, terrible days, and certainly felt the impact of the tragedies.
     But for the Christian, there is an underlying peace that accompanies suffering (like the stress of chemo treatments, their side effects, and the effects of cancer itself), the fear of death (a big stressor), and death itself.  All of these things are bad.  But for the Christian, there is peace as well: peace that God is palpably present during these times, peace that God Himself experienced human suffering, and peace that God Himself experienced human death.  What's more, the Christian has peace that God conquered death: after experiencing it, He was raised from the dead, body and soul.  This Resurrection is the very spirit into which we are baptized, and out of which we live and then die.  It is what defines us as Christians.
    I picture being a Christian as entering into the Resurrected Body of Christ, as a cell or living molecule.  The very essence of the Resurrected Christ becomes the very essence of my spirit, my soul, and one day, my body.  It is the foundation of my hope, my peace, my joy, my faith, my love, and my patience.
     The Christian has the Resurrection and the bedrock of her faith: it is what she most believes in, what she most esteems about God, and what she is most certain about.  The Resurrection, then, comes to bear in a powerful way when one is facing mortality: facing my mortality or that of my loved ones, I would want to have given my life over to God, whose cornerstone gift to humanity is the Resurrection.  No other faith, and no secular view, has the optimism that Christianity does.
    It is unpopular to be a Christian these days.  That is because so many people who call themselves Christians have given it such a bad name.  But the beliefs themselves, especially that in the Resurrection, cannot help but speak directly to the human heart.  My hope for my friend and for all those whom I love is that the truth and love of God can speak loudly in their hearts and minds such that they can live a peaceful life, secure in the midst of human suffering and death.  

Day 7!

     I ended the seventh day with wonderful date with my husband.  We went to the Spiral Diner, a vegan restaurant in Oak Cliff.  I am so, so thrilled with how this has gone!  Six and a half pounds in six days--tomorrow the results will be in regarding the seventh--is exactly what I was hoping for!  To survive the seven days while maintaining our homeschool, housekeeping, and routine of life is very, very hard.  I could do the fast without so much challenge if I were by myself.  But with so much work--it was hard!
     Now I am transitioning into a very strict vegan diet, including 2 juices, a smoothie, a vegetable soup and a salad per day.  Zero alcohol and zero sugar.  I plan to do that through April, and see where I am at that point.  I am searching for a plan that I can live with, that gives me enough energy.  All liquid juice and soup with zero carbs is a low-energy day for me.  So I am hoping to transition into something that gives me more sustenance, while is still very "clean."
     Ron is charging ahead with an anti-cancer program, and all of these changes are compatible with that!  He is not doing vegan eating, but he is drawing closer in that direction.  He is also training for a marathon.  Boy, he is going to be in great shape!
     Hooray!  I made it through Day 7!

BRUTAL juice fast!

     I am on day 6 of a juice fast.  The first three days were BRUTAL!  And I threw out my back.  It was so hard!  Gosh, I owe my family so many apologies.  I don't even know where to begin!
     But it is amazing how much better I feel now.  It is truly astounding what new energy levels I have, and how everything seems. . . sunny!  Hooray for turning the corner!  I think days 6 and 7 should be so much easier!  7 days is my goal!

The Bride Of Christ

A beautiful Mass!
Clare's long awaited day came: and she got to enter into a new level of intimacy with Christ.  Oh the joy!  

Crazy Insight

     Perhaps this sounds crazy, but it is exactly what happened.
     I was reflecting and praying yesterday about something troubling me--something that needs fixing, that is not right, that is unresolved.
     I looked to God and said, "Can you fix this?  What is the answer?"
     All of a sudden it occurred to me: "That is your cross right now.  The cross is your answer."
     For a moment I protested: "No!  It is not right, and so needs a real solution to make the problem go away!"
    But then I realized: "The cross is where we find God.  So let the problem that needs fixing be your greatest friend, that ushers you into the presence of God.  Embrace the problem, and embrace the cross. That is the solution."

     When I am certain I need a worldly solution, this insight makes me feel crazy.  It is like the wind that is making a boat sail suddenly ceasing: I am stopped short.

     But then I can "tack," change angles, and suddenly find myself in love with God, in love with Christ and His Cross, and in love with whatever He has for me, since He is there.

Clare's First Communion

     Clare's First Communion is today!  And what a day to have one's First Communion.  Today is Divine Mercy Sunday--the day we Catholics celebrate God's signature attribute, the quality about God that surpasses all the others: mercy.  God loves us without reserve, despite our failings and imperfections, lavishing us with His affection, His compassion, His enthusiasm about how special we are to Him.  Then, He calls us to be this way to others.
    That combination--God's mercy toward us, and our call to be merciful toward others--is, to me, the heart of what it means to be a Christian.
     What a day to be enter into a deeper relationship with God!

   

The Hole

     There is a hole in our yard, five feet deep, that tunnels three feet back.  It is so big that three grown men can get inside it and keep digging. . .  I have prayed with trust that God would help us repair the problem with minimal price and trouble.
   

     We have a leak in our pool plumbing.  We've had it a year.  We knew it would be expensive to repair, and so we froze up.  It took us a year to face the problem. 

     Then we up and decided: it was time.  So a company came out and found approximately where it was, underneath our concrete.  Then quoted us a small fortune to have it repaired.

    Ron's response: heck no!  I can do that myself! 

    He hired some guys to dig--a lot.  

    Then Ron's dad came into town and threw himself into the project.  

     No luck: the company had been wrong about the location.  So we had to decide: do we block these off and run whole new pipes?  

     My prayers kicked in to high gear, as Ron and his dad were making a tough decision.  Ron decided: we keep digging and look for the hole.  

     Result: we found TWO leaks!  We only needed a little more digging (very low cost) and found a second leak, that would not have been repaired if we had rerouted pipes.  That was a HUGE answer to prayer! 

     I know Ron sweated through it, but I sort of glided.  I knew God was wanting to teach me to trust Him.   

     I did (against all odds), and we found the leak we were looking for plus another, all for minimal expense.  

   As we enter Divine Mercy Sunday this Sunday, the message is: "Jesus, I trust in you."  This message is not for quaint, theoretical whims: this is for multi-thousand dollar projects too!  Thank you, Lord, for turning it into a relatively quick, simple, and inexpensive project.   You ARE trustworthy in ALL things!

Black Monday

     The day we heard our priest is leaving our parish was our Black Monday!  So sad!  We were down in the mouth; our kids were in tears; it is a real loss for our family.  Fr. J. spoke directly to us--to Ron in particular.  Ron has lost his mom, and suffered other personal losses this past year.  That caused some pain in his spiritual life.  Fr. J. knew how to cut right to whatever barriers there are in your heart, and speak to what to do about it.  In the four short months of Fr. J. being our priest, there was a huge transformation in Ron.  Speaking for myself, I too felt that every homily, every word of counsel, was exactly what I needed to hear.  It was like having been in a wasteland, and discovering an oasis.  Spiritually, we found nourishment and repose for a short time.
     As much as I have not wanted to lose him as our priest, I have strongly desired what is best for Fr. J., and so am happy if he needs to move on.  As for my personal loss, I was praying about it.  I felt God say to me: "Yes, you found support in your church for a short time.  But it is I who truly supports you.  Do not look only to your church, look primarily to Me."  God is calling me into closer communion with Him, and this can happen in times of plenty and in times of famine, in times of comfort and in times of trial.  God is "Immanuel": He is "with us."  Even on the blackest of days!