One of the hardest things anyone has said to me was spoken by an older family member: "After you have your children, you can get back to doing really important things."
Another older family member was speaking to me about a young adult in our family. He said: "She is going to be a giant--her life is coming together and people far and wide will hear from her."
I thought: "Am I not a giant because I work in my home, and yet she will be if she becomes famous?"
Both of these family members of mine have a measuring stick by which to evaluate lives that emphasizes making a social impact. Closely tied to this priority is a certain kind of fame: after all, who makes a social impact without a podium, a committee, a reputation?
Years ago, I laid down that measuring stick (clearly the one most commonly used in my family of origin) and picked up one articulated by St. John of the Cross: "In the eve of life, we will be judged on love." He was summarizing the message he heard in the Gospels.
John's claim made such a profound impact on me that I almost did not complete my dissertation, which I was working on at the time. In fact, I flunked my defense, and had to redo parts of my work--a shameful end to graduate studies. But it was the price I was willing to pay for the new direction of my life: the love of God and family. I have chosen not to pursue many things that I could pursue, in order to prioritize love. A friend of the family said to me yesterday: "You could be doing so many other things--I am intrigued by your choices!" It feels so true. It feels like a wild risk, a gamble. No one can do everything--choices must be made.
It is my strong belief that paths that might appear "better" to some are actually worse: certainly this is the case if John of the Cross is correct about his reading of the Gospels.
Today I heard the passage: "Jesus is the stone rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone," (Acts 4:8).
In order to be a true follower of Christ, one must let go of measuring sticks that are not corroborated by the Scriptures. One must retire family members who had been role models or parenting figures from those positions in our minds. When we do, they might reject us. Bur that is okay; we need to see them in a new way: not as leaders, but as ones to pray for that they might find the Truth of God for their lives--that they are richly and deeply loved by God, that they are lavishly cared for by their heavenly family, and that in turn, as children of His family, all of us are called to live out that same kind of lavish love. We are called to be giants of love, having gigantic love for the poor, gigantic love for those in our lives, gigantic love for those most in need of mercy. No one must see these efforts for them to be on a giant scale: they can be in the privacy of one's room, praying before the throne of God.
Jesus was a giant of love: being rejected by some, He stayed true to his calling from the Father, and emboldened by the Spirit, He lived out a radical love. His choices appeared senseless and insignificant to many--so poorly calculated! Abandoning all political leverage! But His choices allowed Him to become a portal through which the power and mercy of Heaven poured out and covered the earth, changing us all forever.
Let Christ the Judge tell you in the eve of your life whether you became a giant or not.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Annie's Italy Project
We are doing a home school study of Italy. Each child selected a project, has done research, is writing a report, and is creating a 3D model.
Jake is doing "The Building of the City of Rome." He is beginning with Romulus and Remus and going through the sack of Rome in 410 AD.
Mary is doing the Roman Forum, using that as a touchstone for discussions on the political life and the economy of Ancient Rome.
Clare is doing the geography of Italy: theAlps and the Appeninnes mountain range, the plains, the Mediterranean Sea, the volcano, Mt. Etna.
Leigh is doing Italian Art: Giotto, Simone Martini, Michaelangelo, Botticelli, Bernini. She can identify dozens of paintings, sculptures and architectural locations, and tell you where they are located.
But the BIG SURPRISE is that Annie now has a project! It happened quite without my trying. It just so happened that Mary and Jake are in a Shakespeare play, "Taming of the Shrew." There was a need for a paper mache lute, and so I volunteered to make it (Why??? Not sure).
Well, having made the lute, we were playing with it, and again by total coincidence, Annie was walking about butt naked. I realized: Rosso Fiorentino!!!!!!
"Cherub with a Lute":
We have one of our very own!!!
Jake is doing "The Building of the City of Rome." He is beginning with Romulus and Remus and going through the sack of Rome in 410 AD.
Mary is doing the Roman Forum, using that as a touchstone for discussions on the political life and the economy of Ancient Rome.
Clare is doing the geography of Italy: theAlps and the Appeninnes mountain range, the plains, the Mediterranean Sea, the volcano, Mt. Etna.
But the BIG SURPRISE is that Annie now has a project! It happened quite without my trying. It just so happened that Mary and Jake are in a Shakespeare play, "Taming of the Shrew." There was a need for a paper mache lute, and so I volunteered to make it (Why??? Not sure).
Well, having made the lute, we were playing with it, and again by total coincidence, Annie was walking about butt naked. I realized: Rosso Fiorentino!!!!!!
"Cherub with a Lute":
Clare's Violin
We just began Clare on violin. The teacher, Mr. Michael, is well educated in music theory and is passionate about teaching instruments to all ages--so long as they are grasping the tools about music composition and rhythm, rather than just learning one piece at a time off of sheet music.
I attend all the lessons and her practice sessions. 3 five-minute practices a day. I am really teaching her most of what she is learning. But Mr. Michael has a vision that I do not have. So I suppose it is more like co-teaching.
His instruction is always a little beyond her level. But she rises to the occasion. She works hard, harder than I've ever seen her work for anything.
She has rhythm I did not know she had, and an ear that I know I do not have.
Violin is a way Clare is seeing herself as special (no one else is getting music lessons), talented (she gets lots of accolades), and her mood has hit an all time high.
The first week, she carried the violin all over the house. Mr. Michael had told her to just experiment with it, and figure out how it sounds, ultimately not wanting her to fear it or be timid around it. The day after her first lesson, I arrived downstairs in the kitchen only to see Clare's violin propped up on the chair next to hers as she ate breakfast. She bowed a few notes in between bites of cereal, as the violin just sat there next to her and watched her eat.
Perhaps it is violin that has inspired the huge change around here. Clare bounces through the house all day long. If you met her for the first time today, you would think, "Oh, she's the energetic, manic kid of the family." REALLY!!!?!!!! She is giggly, grinning ear to ear, hugging every one, skipping, twirling. And this has been going on for a month. Or has it been the Omega Swirl or the Magnesium?
I hope that we can get through the basic skills, so that she can work with music for the rest of her life. What a joy, to have music as a place to go, relax and be uplifted throughout your life!
I attend all the lessons and her practice sessions. 3 five-minute practices a day. I am really teaching her most of what she is learning. But Mr. Michael has a vision that I do not have. So I suppose it is more like co-teaching.
His instruction is always a little beyond her level. But she rises to the occasion. She works hard, harder than I've ever seen her work for anything.
She has rhythm I did not know she had, and an ear that I know I do not have.
Violin is a way Clare is seeing herself as special (no one else is getting music lessons), talented (she gets lots of accolades), and her mood has hit an all time high.
The first week, she carried the violin all over the house. Mr. Michael had told her to just experiment with it, and figure out how it sounds, ultimately not wanting her to fear it or be timid around it. The day after her first lesson, I arrived downstairs in the kitchen only to see Clare's violin propped up on the chair next to hers as she ate breakfast. She bowed a few notes in between bites of cereal, as the violin just sat there next to her and watched her eat.
Perhaps it is violin that has inspired the huge change around here. Clare bounces through the house all day long. If you met her for the first time today, you would think, "Oh, she's the energetic, manic kid of the family." REALLY!!!?!!!! She is giggly, grinning ear to ear, hugging every one, skipping, twirling. And this has been going on for a month. Or has it been the Omega Swirl or the Magnesium?
I hope that we can get through the basic skills, so that she can work with music for the rest of her life. What a joy, to have music as a place to go, relax and be uplifted throughout your life!
who is Jesus?
In reading the Gospel of Luke straight through (for the first time in too long), I was struck with how vibrant and electrifying Jesus was to those around him. He excited people. I had dulled in my mind his impact on others, thinking his journey through Judea a calm and pleasant affair--people appreciating his healing their sick or preaching.
But in truth, this man bedazzled those he encountered, leaving them--like cartoon characters--with heads spinning 360 degrees and eyes popping out of their heads. He was young, had lots of energy, and turned the lives of others upside down. His preaching was charismatic, his smile riviting, his presence palpable.
I have spent years coming to know the Jesus of the Cross--what sort of man could willingly take betrayal, mocking, torture and death, and maintain a spirit humble as a lamb? "Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us;" this is the most powerful sentence in the world. It has, at the very least, taught me to surrender patiently and gently in the face of minor wrongs, physical burdens, and frustrating aspects of parenthood and home life. I feel stronger for trading in reactivity for this meekness--the paradox of forceful power being weak, after all, never leaves my mind for long.
But this spiritual lesson, valuable as it is, does not begin to capture all of who Jesus is. I am awe struck with his liveliness, his enthusiasm, and his work: his words, his movements, his choices for how to live out each day.
Over and over, mention is made of the Father and of the Spirit. His interdependence on both stands in relief. What I am left with in my new reading of the Gospel is how true life, lived out in joy and generosity, cannot be done without that vibrant, dynamic relationship with the Father and the Spirit. An active, daily encounter with all three Persons of the Trinity is the key to a Heavenly Life.
But in truth, this man bedazzled those he encountered, leaving them--like cartoon characters--with heads spinning 360 degrees and eyes popping out of their heads. He was young, had lots of energy, and turned the lives of others upside down. His preaching was charismatic, his smile riviting, his presence palpable.
I have spent years coming to know the Jesus of the Cross--what sort of man could willingly take betrayal, mocking, torture and death, and maintain a spirit humble as a lamb? "Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, have mercy on us;" this is the most powerful sentence in the world. It has, at the very least, taught me to surrender patiently and gently in the face of minor wrongs, physical burdens, and frustrating aspects of parenthood and home life. I feel stronger for trading in reactivity for this meekness--the paradox of forceful power being weak, after all, never leaves my mind for long.
But this spiritual lesson, valuable as it is, does not begin to capture all of who Jesus is. I am awe struck with his liveliness, his enthusiasm, and his work: his words, his movements, his choices for how to live out each day.
Over and over, mention is made of the Father and of the Spirit. His interdependence on both stands in relief. What I am left with in my new reading of the Gospel is how true life, lived out in joy and generosity, cannot be done without that vibrant, dynamic relationship with the Father and the Spirit. An active, daily encounter with all three Persons of the Trinity is the key to a Heavenly Life.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
"You are so Occupy!"
Leah was telling me that Occupy Wallstreet is all about people getting out of Big Business and politics that are beyond them, and taking part in locally owned, locally run organizations, politics, and companies. Like being in a neighborhood association.
"Oh, we have a great neighborhood association!" I said, and proceded to tell her all about it.
And like being in local groups.
"Oh, like the homeschool association I started!" I said, and she asked me how it was going.
And like joining a veggie co-op or a CSA.
"I've been in those!"
Or like choosing to dine at a locally owned restaurant rather than a chain one.
"We do that! My favorite is La Margarita!"
Or like going bowling instead of watching TV, or like contributing to your church, voting in local politics, or being a part of city-wide discussions on pertinent decisions.
"I am SO Occcupy!" I said, and we both started laughing.
Who knew that this Catholic homeschooling mother of 5 would be so hip as to be on the cutting edge of Occupy Wallstreet without even knowing it!
"Oh, we have a great neighborhood association!" I said, and proceded to tell her all about it.
And like being in local groups.
"Oh, like the homeschool association I started!" I said, and she asked me how it was going.
And like joining a veggie co-op or a CSA.
"I've been in those!"
Or like choosing to dine at a locally owned restaurant rather than a chain one.
"We do that! My favorite is La Margarita!"
Or like going bowling instead of watching TV, or like contributing to your church, voting in local politics, or being a part of city-wide discussions on pertinent decisions.
"I am SO Occcupy!" I said, and we both started laughing.
Who knew that this Catholic homeschooling mother of 5 would be so hip as to be on the cutting edge of Occupy Wallstreet without even knowing it!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Jersey Girls
Oh, what a joy to be with my sisters--the Jersey cohort, that is! They are celebrating my birthday--quite a bash on the beach!
They have showered me with affirmations of my life choices, my gifts, who I am.
They have showered me with gifts.
They have showered me with laughs, jokes, memories, and just plain old conversation.
It is so, so nice to be taken care of, to be prayed for, to be nurtured in word and deed. These are amazing women, beautiful women (even if they are from Jersey), and I love them with all my heart!
They have showered me with affirmations of my life choices, my gifts, who I am.
They have showered me with gifts.
They have showered me with laughs, jokes, memories, and just plain old conversation.
It is so, so nice to be taken care of, to be prayed for, to be nurtured in word and deed. These are amazing women, beautiful women (even if they are from Jersey), and I love them with all my heart!
Friday, April 13, 2012
a paradox
The Career Placement Services at the University of Dallas complain that the students there are not ambitious. "They are too happy," one administrator said. Apparently, people who are satisfied in their faith and in their intellects do not pursue lots of money, power or repute. It is a paradox: the most content people can be the ones least likely to "succeed."
As for myself, I know that I, like everyone else, was born with some talents. But I am not the least ambitious in making a name for myself. My greatest work, my greatest contibution, is love. It is not very impressive. But so few wives truly love their husbands; so few children are close to their parents. As for now, I can boast both.
I used to think I was created to write. I like to write, still. But I think the writing of the love story of my life is plenty to produce.
"In the eve of life, we will be judged on love," said St. John of the Cross. But it sure would be fun to write down what you've got to say!
As for myself, I know that I, like everyone else, was born with some talents. But I am not the least ambitious in making a name for myself. My greatest work, my greatest contibution, is love. It is not very impressive. But so few wives truly love their husbands; so few children are close to their parents. As for now, I can boast both.
I used to think I was created to write. I like to write, still. But I think the writing of the love story of my life is plenty to produce.
"In the eve of life, we will be judged on love," said St. John of the Cross. But it sure would be fun to write down what you've got to say!
43
The Chinese apparently say that 43 is a dangerous year. I think, on the whole, that is true.
Even at 40, I can see Ron going through life's changes, and I feel it in myself. But we are choosing our marriage, our family, our future together. We talk about our love and our future. We make plans.
Why he loves me is hard to say. I am just me, after all. He is easy to love--he whistles while washing dishes. Who wouldn't love a man like that?
We occupy a blessed time and space in the history of each of our families. It is our task to love well and not mess it up.
Perhaps we appear flamboyant to pick up and go to Rome for a season, or to take our family trekking through the snow. But we are keeping our love aflame and our family rich. That is the best anyone can do.
(By the way, we are going to Rome in May.)
Even at 40, I can see Ron going through life's changes, and I feel it in myself. But we are choosing our marriage, our family, our future together. We talk about our love and our future. We make plans.
Why he loves me is hard to say. I am just me, after all. He is easy to love--he whistles while washing dishes. Who wouldn't love a man like that?
We occupy a blessed time and space in the history of each of our families. It is our task to love well and not mess it up.
Perhaps we appear flamboyant to pick up and go to Rome for a season, or to take our family trekking through the snow. But we are keeping our love aflame and our family rich. That is the best anyone can do.
(By the way, we are going to Rome in May.)
Monday, April 9, 2012
The Reality of Easter
As I sat in the stone church for the various liturgies during the three-day-long Triduum, I thought, "I am in the marrow of reality." The Triduum, stretching from Holy Thursday through the Saturday night Easter Vigil, is the intersection of human, earthly life with heaven. God's reality meets humanity in a comprehensive, all-encompassing way in these moments. Every year, it happens again and again--it is the most profound human experience I have had, along with the birth of a child, the death of a parent, a wedding day. It is what prepares me for my own death, and simultaneously brings me to life.
By Easter Morning this year, I was in tears, sitting in the front row since the girls wanted to sit up close. The reading of the Gospel was so profound, I felt like I was more myself than I had ever been, and like I was more ephemeral than I had ever been. What really matters is life, life that triumphs. Here we are celebrating that. My soul feels it in a guttural, instinctual way. And so I spend the next days and weeks eating chocolate, feasting and relaxing. God's comeback is worthy of leaning into and living out.
By Easter Morning this year, I was in tears, sitting in the front row since the girls wanted to sit up close. The reading of the Gospel was so profound, I felt like I was more myself than I had ever been, and like I was more ephemeral than I had ever been. What really matters is life, life that triumphs. Here we are celebrating that. My soul feels it in a guttural, instinctual way. And so I spend the next days and weeks eating chocolate, feasting and relaxing. God's comeback is worthy of leaning into and living out.
Monday, April 2, 2012
grow much?
Time to go "shopping" in the bins in the attic! When I saw her little tights, and could actually see the seams at the top, we had to take a laughing break before we could get back to our memory work recitations. (double click on the picture to enlarge)
A Great Mission Statement
A friend of mine told me her personal mission statement: "To affirm all that is good in the people around her."
Now, it is true, I am prone to "mission statement envy." It is hard for me to hear other people's wonderful mission statements and not wonder if I should take on theirs.
In fact, without changing mine, I have indeed been deeply affected by witnessing other people live out theirs. Kim's is one of my favorites. Oh, and Leah's I love.
This one is no exception. I just love it. It is natural to "size people up," and consider who they are, what choices they are making, whether they are doing well, etc. But it is such a delightful practice intentionally to END one's "sizing up" process with the GOOD. Just look at what is worthy of affirmation, and make a conscious choice to stop there! Now THAT is freeing.
"Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Phil. 4:8)
Now, it is true, I am prone to "mission statement envy." It is hard for me to hear other people's wonderful mission statements and not wonder if I should take on theirs.
In fact, without changing mine, I have indeed been deeply affected by witnessing other people live out theirs. Kim's is one of my favorites. Oh, and Leah's I love.
This one is no exception. I just love it. It is natural to "size people up," and consider who they are, what choices they are making, whether they are doing well, etc. But it is such a delightful practice intentionally to END one's "sizing up" process with the GOOD. Just look at what is worthy of affirmation, and make a conscious choice to stop there! Now THAT is freeing.
"Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." (Phil. 4:8)
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