Turning Upside Down

     To get one's spiritual life right, one often has to live "upside down."
     To be great, one has to serve.
     To be holy, one has to confront sin rather than block it out.
     To gain your life, you have to lose it.
     To accomplish what the heart most desires, one has to not focus on WHAT one is accomplishing, but rather, HOW one is living.
     I have to take time in silence every day to "get back upside down," to remember what I had known before but had invariably lost sight of in just several hours.
     How I love His gentle promptings and powerful act of love in my heart.  When that comes, I know that He has righted my position by getting me back to being upside down.

The Best Thing

     One great thing about my experience of giving the philosophy talk at UD was that so many of my former students came to see the presentation, and then stayed to visit afterwards.  I taught them over 2 years ago, and so it was unexpectedly delightful that they wanted to attend.  They had such kind words about the presentation as well as the class from several years ago.  They asked me if I was planning to teach again soon, as though that would be a welcome addition.  How delightful!
    But the very best thing about my experience was that my friend Suzannah came.  I am not sure what she did with ALL SEVEN of her children, including a one year old!  I am not sure how she pulled of a birthday party for her 11 year old, just an hour later.  It is like she defied time and space to be there.  She suspended her lack of any connection whatsoever with philosophy to be there.  It was a sign of pure CARITAS that she was there.
     The talk was about COMMUNION, about communion as the natural purpose or "end" of the human person.  Suzannah was living COMMUNION to be there, and that made a world of difference.

Today's Colloquium

     Today I am giving a talk at UD on the philosophical justification of the dignity of the human person--I am really looking forward to it!

Upside Down

     My new favorite book is called, Divine Mercy: A Guide from Genesis to Benedict XVI by Robert Stackpole.
     Despite it's fertile teachings, I disagree with the first sentence, which reads: "This book is a guide to a message that the world desperately needs to hear.  This message comes from 'above,' 'right from the top,' from the Maker of the Universe Himself," (p. 13).
     I disagree with the claim that God is "at the top."  I think that God's kind of power is the power that issues from "the bottom."  God makes the world, He rules the world, and He is the only transcendent, almighty, all-knowing creator of the universe.  But as creator, He does not sit "above."  God is humble, merciful, and tender.
     If you want to find God, look at the lepers, the sick, the dying.  Look at the poor, the sorrowful, the brokenhearted.  God is all-powerful and the only entity that is deserving of worship and praise.  In fact, He is deserving of our entire lives, which are but a breath in contrast to Him.  Nevertheless, it is part of the greatness of God that He is "below," with the sinners and the meek, and can be found only when we come to Him in humility.

The Holy Spirit Coming Down

     Pentecost is the Holy Spirit coming down upon a person and into their heart, mind and spirit.
    I was blessed to witness the Holy Spirit come down upon my dear friend, Samantha.  How blessed I am to be her sponsor!

     What could matter more than that a person be in a right relationship with God?
     What could matter more than that a person be able to hear the whisper of God in the quiet of their heart?

     As the Bishop said, God whispers, "[Your name], I love you.  You are mine.  Your name is written on my heart.  I will never let you go.  I am your shepherd.  If you wander, I will search for you and find you, wrap you around my neck, and carry you home."  

     God is merciful, God is gentle, God is steadfast in His love.  
     Praise be to God!

This Little Light of Mine

     "No one who lights a lamp conceals it with a vessel or sets it under a bed: rather he places it on a lamp stand so that those who enter may see the light," (Lk. 8:16)
     One of my favorite things about being a Christian is how I feel Christ's light shining.
     It is SO DIFFERENT from putting your ego out there, trying to make is sparkle, and trying to get other people to think well of you.  It is so easy for your ego to collapse!  What if someone criticizes you!  What if you genuinely fail?
     If your happiness is staked on your ego, you are set up for not ever achieving happiness.
    If your happiness is staked, rather, on the light of Christ--Christ's letting the Spirit of Christ live in you, having given your life entirely to Him--then real joy, humble joy, and powerful and unwaivering joy, can be yours!  Oh, how I love Him!
     The song, "This Little Light of Mine" was not originally a children's song.  It was a Spiritual from the Deep South.  I just LOVE the old Gospel renditions of this song.  It is a powerful, meaningful experience to sing it with heart!

Being First

     "Whoever wants to be first, shall be last and servant of all."  This is what Christ said to the apostles who were discussing who among them would be greatest.
     Being last must be different for all people.  Maybe it means not receiving honors or promotions at one's workplace, and accepting this well.  Maybe it means not being friends with someone you really wish would like you, and surrendering your desire to God.  Maybe it means not getting to succeed in some way that feels important to you, and relinquishing this success for some higher good.
     I have these experiences all the time.  It is always something different: doing a job and feeling overlooked, being unwanted by a potential friend, feeling unappreciated, feeling inferior to professionals in what would have been my field.
     But I rejoice, for God is so good to those of us who are "last"!  He gives such sweet consolation.
     For the Christian message to be about a person who was a failure on so many worldly levels, and yet who succeeded only because He was always in the will of His Father, is profound.  Imagine promoting a whole religion about a man who was put to death for scandalizing His own people!  What are the chances of the success of such a religion!  If I were going to promote someone, I would promote someone who had succeeded in at least SOME way!  But Jesus was truly the one who was "last."  He was stripped of all honor, all public affection, all political success, and all friendship.  He had no money, no title, no office, and ultimately, was denied his own life.
     Yet He is the Rock of my heart, the Pillar of my world.  He is first in my life.
     It is a radical life, a paradoxical one, and one in which it is impossible to keep one's comforts and status and prestige and still be on His road, in the Father's will.    
     Oh, how I love Him.

Thomas Aquinas

     I love Thomas Aquinas.  He is such a mystic.  The cornerstone of his philosophy is that we are radically dependent for our very existence on God.  He balances this existential dependence with a robust ontology of material beings.  We are not shadows of reality (as Plato might have it), but substances (as Aristotle would have it).  Nevertheless, as robust substances, we are radically dependent on God, and ephemeral at best in our existence.  
     Such a paradox.  He navigates it with dexterity!

A Man for All Seasons

     Every year I have a spiritual goal.  One year it was humility, then joy, then getting upset well, then humility again, and so on.  This year is, "Speaking the truth in love," a phrase from Ephesians.
     A Man for All Seasons is such a great movie.  I had not seen it in 20 years.  But I have watched it twice recently and am so grateful for Thomas More's ability to be kind, gentle, and unwaiveringly truthful.
     God help me to speak the truth when it is unpopular or uncomfortable for others but right before God.  

Back to the Cloister

     In taking on family life, I chose to renounce the world.   Just as a nun or a monk renounces the world to gain intimacy with Christ in a concrete, all-encompassing manner, so have I left the world, and my home is where I seek Christ.
     I feel that I have gifts to give, books to write and promote: but I have decided to set it all aside for the time being.
     I have a temptation to "be me": do what I can do beyond being a wife and mother.  After having been pregnant or holding an infant for over ten years, and now am not for the time being, I am feeling suddenly able to work in my community and on projects that I have always wanted to do.  It is tempting.
     But being in my home, prioritizing these relationships IS to do my best.  It is the most sublime of all the things I can do.
     Just as a monk renounces the world, not to retreat or hide, but to climb the highest heights of sanctity, and thus discards all encumbrances that weigh him down, such as money, worldly goods or ambition--so am I choosing the cloister of my home, and the worldly aspirations I could take on, in order to ascend to the heights of love and humility that God has chosen for me.
     So I am going to postpone my writing projects and future presentations--which were going really well--for five years.  I need to simplify.
     Ultimately the reason rests in this verse: "Where your treasure is, there your heart lies also."  My heart normally lies in finding intimacy with Christ through and in my family.  If my heart becomes distracted from this goal, it is like leaving the monastery.  I lose my peace.
     It is time for me to go back the cloister.

God's Genius

     "The mystery of the cross is intolerable considered from without--which is why it is intolerable for such a large number of Christians who consider it as such.  If considered from within, one discovers the cross as the victory of love, and as a means.  The cross is not a stopping point.  The cross is a passageway; it is a Passover.  The cross is God's true 'passage.'  But one does not stop or remain there.  One does not abide in the cross; one abides in love. . . .  The cross is wisdom if viewed in the light of faith, that is, from the inside, as God himself views it."  (Fr. Marie-Dominique Philippe, O.P.)

     Many people dismiss the cross: "It is just not my tradition," or "It makes no sense," or "It breeds weakness and tolerance of injustice."

     The cross, however, is the most sophisticated reality in human history.
     The cross is God showing us how to find power in weakness--this is more sublime than finding power in strength, which is obvious.  Finding power in weakness, richness in poverty, gain in loss, now THIS is what requires genius, the genius of God.

    In the cross, we find our healing: "By his wounds, you were healed," (1 Peter 2:24).  The healing of our wounds, the healing of our pain, is not in escaping pain, which is again obvious but banal.  God's healing is in the embrace of the cross, by which Christ displays the perfection of humility, the perfection of obedience, the perfection of gentleness, and the perfection of love.  

That's What Little Boys are Made Of

Not so little anymore!

Happy Birthday, Jacob! 

Gotta Know your Goals

     About teaching: it has such a draw.  I like teaching, and I like doing something that is rewarding.
     But just because I can, does not mean I ought to do it.  A person's got to know her goals.  If my goal is a certain kind of family relationship, which it is, then teaching as enrichment, yes.  But teaching instead of family, no.
     Even one class during the summer program is something I should not do: I NEED A BREAK.  By the time the summer comes, I need to recover. Working instead of recovering from the school year would be to squander a gorgeous opportunity to refresh for the next year.  Just because teaching has an allure, does not mean that it is right.
     Homeschooling is H.A.R.D.  It is so hard that I have been unsure whether or how long I can continue.  But as soon as I travel very far down that road, wondering about putting them all in school, I realize that we have something special, and I know that part of that "specialness"is because of homeschooling.  I think the benefits will come for the duration of my adulthood as well as those of our children: they will have a bond with Ron and me that is just irreplaceable.
     That is my goal: to have given myself as completely as possible to my family relationships.  It is a reflection of the Trinity, it is the pursuit of divine love, and as such, is something that lasts past death.  If teaching or giving a presentation or writing something for the benefit of someone else can be done in a small way that does not interfere with that pursuit, then I would enjoy it.  But as soon as I am overextended, then I am hurting those relationships, my pursuit and myself, and as attractive as it might have been, it is just not a good option.  You gotta know your goals!

Low Point

     Our most recent low point: being guests for dinner at some friends' home, and having brought the hosts a gift. I had told Clare before we left: "Get a gift bag, and put in one of the new handmade soaps we just bought."
     Just before we left, Clare plopped a gift bag by the door saying, "Got it!"
     When we presented the gift to the hostess, she opened it and I realized that Clare had gotten the used soap out of our bathroom.
     I blushed, and asked if it was used.  The hostess said, "Well, it is a little slippery!"
     We all had a good laugh.

The Irony of Love

    The biggest surprise to me, as I homeschool: I expected that my kids would grow tired of me, feel smothered, and need to get away.
    The shocking truth is that the more I give, being more and more attuned to them emotionally, the more they want.
    The mystics say it, but it must be truer than it sounds: we are made for love, for attuned presence with one another.  It is a metaphysical reality that in my experience is inescapable.

Teaching in Rome

     Ron and I have been through a whirlwind in the past two weeks.  Mainly, we have been discerning how to respond to the dean's strong suggestion that I offer to teach in Rome for a year or two--that would make the package of sending our whole family over there better for the university.  Secondly, Ron is proposing another summer program, and had suggested that I teach a class as well--maybe a class on medieval spirituality or philosophy of the human person.
     I do not know if we will ever go--either for an academic year or two, or for a summer.  But I have come to the opinion that if such an option arises, that I should not teach.
     I like the idea of teaching those classes.  I would love to be in the classroom, and get to read those marvelous texts.  I would like to use the skill I worked so hard to cultivate.
     But it appears clear to me that I have already selected my job.  It is really demanding.  It is really important.  It requires daily preparation of the heart and mind, honing of virtue, a constant increase in discipline, and it brings out the best that is in me.  It requires all my attention in order to be excellent at it.  As soon as I get distracted, I am disappointed in how I perform at my job.  It is also satisfying: when I have lived my life, having done well at this job will, I believe, bring peace and joy.  More than being excellent in the classroom or excellent at writing a book, my job is worth all that I have to give it.
     It is motherhood.
     

My Most Creative Child

. . . is definitely this one!

     She always surprises me with what she produces.  We were doing math with manipulatives, and she was supposed to make a shape out of these tiles.  In six years of doing this homeschool work, I have seen many geometric patterns and large symmetrical blobs.  

     But this is the first time I've seen groovy dancers!!!

 

Letting Go

     I am having the most interesting thing happen during my prayer time.
     I feel like God is giving me an ability that I did not used to have to let go of all the things that "tug" at me, and just rest in His presence.
     I am weak in the "letting go" department: years ago, Ron said that my "Release Button" was faulty!
     Just recently, it feels like I have been given a great boost in this area.  It is as though God wants my full presence, with my mind and heart not being distracted.  It is such a gift to me, because I relish in just sitting in His love--not moving, not thinking, just blessing Him and being blessed by His caring, thoughtful attention.

Impressions in Wax

     Aristotle describes learning in this way: our minds are like soft wax, being impressed by a form that leaves a shape.
     It is so strange to see one child have very "soft wax," receiving impressions easily, while seeing another child have "hard wax," having to receive the new information over and over and over, and still not receiving the impression.
     I reviewed this data with my sweet Clare over and over again, and the poor girl just could not get it:

"Nektonic animals: swim.
 Benthic animals: scoot or walk.
 Sessile animals: do not move.
 Plankton: drift."

   I drew pictures; I wrote memory devises; I acted it out; I used different voice tones for each one.

   But I have seen it before, and hope to see it again: hard wax softens over time, with consistent and loving labor.  Eventually, a child will become facile with what was once impossible.
   I know I am that way too, with intellectual and spiritual matters: some things are just too hard at first, but eventually, the mind and heart become impressionable, and finally take on the form God desires.
   Old dogs really can learn new tricks!

(Note: As I was writing the above post, I was FORGETTING to pick my daughter up from co-op.  I had it in my head that the pick up time was "12:45," but it was really 12:30.  I had looked at the sheet with the time on it repeatedly!  Ah, the irony!)

Learning to Homeschool--Reinventing the Wheel!

     I am having to learn all over again how to homeschool!  There has been a mushrooming of lessons to teach--there is not enough time in the day!  It is taking some kind of superhuman intelligence to figure out a new schedule!  What I am trying now:

     7:30 exercise and breakfast
     8:30 family prayer and memory work
     8:45 I begin Math with each child in turn;
             --other children do independent work and take turns with Annie as she needs it
            [THIS IS TAKING ME ALL MORNING!!!!!!!!  YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!]
     12 pm Lunch and Laundry; then Mary puts Annie down for a nap.
     1 pm  All Language Arts subjects with Clare and Leigh
     3 pm  Review Co-op work and other subjects with Jacob and Mary

     School is finished around 4 pm, sometimes later!

   

A New Way to Love for Catholic Couples

          Here is the link to A New Way to Love for Catholic Couples, by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, with Kathryn Rombs and Ron Rombs.

http://newwaytolove.com/catholic/

     It has been such a delight to produce.  As Ron and I say in the Preface, It has felt like a project--much more limited in scope--but similar in spirit to the sort of undertaking that Thomas Aquinas or Augustine made, finding something truthful and right in a secular format, and bringing it into a Catholic paradigm.

    The most wonderful part for me has been the joy of working with Mom and Dad.  "Partners in Crime," we call ourselves! :)

Manuscript is Printing!

    As we speak, my first manuscript is printing on my desk!  It is called Captivated by Family, and is a testimony about how I came to see family life as a significant life calling, and how I came to choose that vocation as my primary life's work.
     It is written in short, blog post length stories, with different themes interwoven.
     It is 108 pages.
     I am not sure what to do with it!  I am giving it to my mom and a friend today, to see what they think.  
     It is such a good feeling to have gotten it written.  I never planned to write it: I just found it all on the tip of my tongue, and so I wrote it out--I wrote most of it in a 4 day period.
     It makes me think of Isaiah Chapter 1: God placed a burning coal on Isaiah's tongue, and suddenly, he was able to speak.
     Similarly, I have had so much to say for so long, and could not quite speak the first word.  But in an instant, God opened my lips, and out came a story of praise of how God showed me the path He wanted for me.  It is a delightful experience.  
     

A Godly Game of Scrabble

    Tonight we had game night, with our delightful Aunt June as the guest of honor.  Aunt June is a Christian writer, radio personality and speaker, singly focused on spreading the Good News in every way possible. 
     Well tonight, she joined us for game night and we played Scrabble.  At one point during the game, here is a picture of the board:

          At the top, as you can see, is the word, "Godly," which was my play.  I got 12 points for it. 
     Then Aunt June played, "Fag," which you can also see at the top.  She got 21 points for that word! 
     The eldest, age 10, said: "What does 'Fag' mean?"
     Oh, the conversation that ensued. . . it went on and on, from a basic explanation of the meaning of the word, to plumbing the depths of the upcoming elections. 
     A Scrabble Board: $15.  A night with Aunt June: priceless! 

Quilting

    It's time to trade toddler beds out for 4 bunk beds in the girls' room.  

     That means it's time for new bedding.  

     I simply could not stand the thought of buying comforters or quilts, when I used to love quilting, and dreamed of having children for whom to make quilts!

     The sad reality is that, now that I have five children, I have no time to make them.  

     I almost broke down and bought some.  But I got the inspiration, swerved the car to change directions, and headed for the quilt store.  An entire afternoon later, all five children had picked out their fabrics.  I set to work right away, and have one top completed.  Goodness knows, Math and Science will simply have to wait!  

Ron Making Wine

     A new hobby!

     Lucky me!

     Inspired by the vineyard and winery in Rome, Ron is looking to produce his own "Cote Du Rombs!"

Fr. Apostoli and Me!

     Here I am with Fr. Apostoli, CFR!  What an inspiration. 

     I have written a book, almost despite myself.  It just came out while I was on silent retreat.  I did not go, expecting to write a single word that I did write--it took me by surprise. 
     Ron found a Catholic Writers' Convention and I reluctantly went.  I simply hate the idea of self-promotion. 
    But at the first talk I attended, led by Fr. Andrew, this inspired monk talked about our responsibility to present what we have to say, responding to John Paul II and Benedict XVI's call for a New Evangelism.  The whole three days of the conference were loaded with guidance and formation: how to avoid hubris and ego, while promoting the message God has given us. 
    That was a new message for me to wrap my head around, and it seems like the message God wanted me to receive.  I feel at peace about it in a way I never have!