Being 40

     Ron and I had dinner in a restaurant last night.  The waiter tried his english on us and kept calling me "Lady."
     "Lady, you lika di wine?"
     "Lady, you wanna more bread?"  (Yes to both, of course.)
     I said to Ron, "I can't believe he keeps calling me 'Lady.'"
     Ron said, "I guess you'll never be 'Miss' again, now that you're 40."
     He wasn't even kidding.

I Loved Turning 40!

     I had such a fabulous 40th.  I got to go through a guided tour of the Vatican Museums (Ron generously gave me his place) with GROWN UPS.  I had never been through the whole complex before, and I certainly had not been to a museum without my children in almost a decade.  The Vatican Museums are simply amazing--especially enhanced by the comments of our guide.  What a complete treat.  The Laocoon!  It has taken me 20 years to see it!
     Then I got to go to Mass, right under the Window of the Holy Spirit and Peter's Cathedra in St. Peter's.

     The best part was that, in Mass, I asked God a question that I have been asking for a long time.  He gave me a very quick, lucid answer.  It was so clear, and so original--not anything I have considered in all the time I have been wondering.  It felt distinctly like His handiwork.  I am so grateful, and was given so much peace.  Oh I love Him so! 

     This day is on top of a party the previous night with the staff here having helped the 4 older kids make a cake-turned-fruit-tart-since-I-don't-like-cake, with Prosecco, watching the sun set over Castel Gandolfo. 

      And this is on top of family celebrations, sister celebrations, gifts, birthday trip to the beach, cards--oh my goodness, what an amazing day!  What a wonderful life!  I am so, so grateful--for love!  How humbled I am by the love of my family and friends, and most of all by the love for me of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  How rich and full God's love is.  

Pope Benedict XVI

One fine day, 

we went to an audience with the pope, 

and everyone was shouting, "Papa Benedetto!"  His commentary on Galatians 4:4-7 was beautiful preparation for Pentecost (this coming Sunday).

     Ron's class at UD this summer is based on many readings from this pope's writings.  It was thus especially poignant for Ron to see Pope Benedict just a couple feet away, and hear him speak in person.  The pope is single-handedly helping Ron through his grief over the loss of his mom--the pope wrote eloquently over the loss of his own mother.  Many of the pope's other theological discourses in his corpus are also hitting the mark for Ron of how to handle loss, pain and death.  

      The crowd waited for him for 3 hours--with a baby in my lap, that felt like a long time.  The pilgrims were singing and dancing, playfully shouting and jumping around.  Clare asked me, "Mom, why are they doing that?"  I said, "These people have love in their hearts, and are here to say 'YES!' to living life in the way of love.  The pope is a sign to the world that sacrificial love is more powerful than war or money or prestige.  God's love is the real power of the world.  These people here today know that, and are giddy excited that they are right, that they have figured out what most of the world has not figured out yet.  That is why they are dancing and singing!"   

     Clare said "Oh." 

Leah's Scarf

    I am knitting this scarf for Leah.

     I absolutely LOVE it!   The yarn is the softest yarn I have ever used--and I am going to have to get 2 more skeins to make the scarf long enough.
     The yarn is from PurlSoho.com.  The scarf pattern is from a book: Last Minute Gifts which is by the PurlSoho people.
     Definitely taking it up a notch past Walmart.

Never Seen these Little People Happier

Sun Setting over the Vineyard

Spanish Steps

Leigh and I had special time in Rome. 

There are 136 steps. 

I found a paper shop right off of the Piazza de Spagna, one I remember from 15 years ago.  I got her a little pad of paper and some stickers, and she wrote little notes, folded them, and sealed them with her stickers.  "The park at the Villa Borghese is beautiful."  And, "Dear Hannah, I am sorry I missed your birthday party.  Love, Leigh."  

I loved my time with Leigh.  We are big buddies.  She tells me so.  

I've been gelatoed!

Lady Gelato!

Gandolfo

Gandolfo is the tiny town where the pope's country residence is.  This facade was designed by the same architect who designed the facade of St. Peter's.

Annie ran down this incline (which is steeper than it looks) and landed directly on her nose.  It is bloody and bruised!

And here is the Bar della Sport--allegedly the home of the best cappuccino in southern Italy!

The church next to the pope's residence: 

If you can't find me, I've probably run away to live on this street: 

Next door to the pope, and overlooking Lago Albano.  Breathtaking.  And around the corner from the home of the best cappuccino in southern Italy.  What's not to love?  

The Countryside

     The countryside outside of Rome is the proud home of hills, vineyards, castles, estates of emperors and the pope, and volcanos that are now basins for lakes.  Lisa I. said that if she went back to Rome, she'd rather spend her time in these Castelli Romani rather than in Rome.

A perfect honeymoon location (or second honeymoon.  No, we've done that--third honeymoon!).  The most romantic scene I've seen. 

Saint Peter's Square

Here I get to be:

with some of my (heavenly) brothers and sisters. . . 

. . . in the presence of the Holy Spirit. . . 

. . .getting a glimpse of the heavens. . . 

. . . in the company of the one with whom I am sacramentally unified.

       In this sublime environment, it is a good thing I did not curse too much on the Metro while corralling the kids.  It is like herding a litter of kittens so that they do not get run over by a one hundred ton locomotive.  

Life is such a risk

      It is so hard to know--there are such risks!  Last summer I said, "Okay sure" to lots of things that wound up horrible for me.  This year, I said, "Okay sure," to us all going to Rome and Ron working there for seven weeks.  As the time approached, I thought, "This is such a potential disaster!  Ron working--what am I going to do??  What if the kids are a mess, out of the country--do I have the energy for this??"  And I can assure you that I did NOT have the energy for the move overseas.  That was a real low point--and I will spare you the nasty details.
     But here we are in paradise.  The kids all have playmates, I am alone in a villa and vineyard, watching the sunset and drinking the organic wine made on this very acreage.  I have only been here 24 hours and it is looking VERY GOOD for all 7 of us.
     Imagine--I might have said no to this!
     And yet I did not say no to last summer's schedule!
     You just never know.

Peace

    Peace in a storm--not by detaching, being aloof, or withholding compassion.  But by total surrender to the Goodness of God.  With this total surrender, comes total peace.
    God's specialty is letting things that we pray for not happen, and then creating the answer to our prayers a little later, and much better.  In this way, we learn to dip way down into horrible circumstances, and ride them out.  When we do so in peace, in trust in God, in confidence in Providence, He builds our trust and we enter into and build our home in the safety of the Heart of Christ.
     My latest goal: laugh out loud humor during such a storm.  I think that would be ample proof.

Is there a God?

You have to weigh against each other in the balance the seeming randomness of whom horrific evil befalls and the insatiability of the human need for significance and dignity.  


While the former leads some to conclude that there is no God, the latter is the tiny strand that, when pulled, hoists one up into the eternal heavens.  

Prayer

     There is a traditional definition of prayer: "Prayer is the raising of one's heart and mind to God," (St. John Damascene).  While this is certainly true from a certain perspective, that is not my basic experience of what prayer is.
     To me, prayer is quieting my heart and mind in order to let God reach me.  He is wanting to reach me at all times--He is constantly extending His love, attention, care and affection to me.  But I block it, I get distracted, I put my mind (quite fixedly) on lesser things.  I become preoccupied with all the things I must do: all the ways I must do and be and love and work for others and myself.
     How marvelous when I stop this onslaught of inferior thoughts, and let God come to me!  When I sit down in quiet, settle my mind, and nourish my spirit with words from the Holy Scriptures, the Spirit of God comes to me.  I read the words slowly, and not too many at a time.  Just a few phrases until something grabs my attention.  I then read that word or phrase over and over (lectio divina).  And then I open myself up to the Father, to Jesus.  The Spirit of God brings them to me, and usually He soothes, blesses, and encourages me.  Sometimes He admonishes me.  Sometimes He directs me.  But more often than not, He bathes me in peace, in quiet, in stillness.  He reminds me that I am His beloved.  He takes care of me like a little baby: rocks me, comforts me, caresses me.  I am never, ever more relaxed, more truly who I am than when I am lost to Him in prayer.
     Certainly, in all of this, He is the one doing the work.  I am not raising up or reaching out: He is doing all the reaching, the finding, the lavishing.  It is restful for me, and all the labor is, lovingly, His.