making pies

    It was so much fun teaching the girls how to make pie crust.
    Here is their fluting lesson!

Yay, pumpkin pie!

Christmas

What I loved most about Christmas. . .

1) Midnight Mass at our new parish--so beautiful I wanted to weep!
2) A party after Mass--1 AM!  Such fun!
3) Clare being giddy and joyful all day--such a change in her life!
4) Leigh having a gingerbread party with her friends last week, a family party on the 4th Sunday of Advent, and then a joyful birthday today!
5) Ron and I having such a blessed marriage.  What a GIFT!
6) The kids all loving going to so many Masses and saying so many prayers all week--they know the meaning of Christmas and love it.
7) The kids never complaining, fighting or being otherwise pouty about gifts--they do not expect much.
8) Annie leaning over during the caroling before Midnight Mass and saying loud enough for the whole church to hear: "I love you, Mom!" and then, "I love you, Dad!"
9) Annie clomping around all day in her new boots.
10) Asking the kids what they most wanted me to cook for Christmas dinner, and their response: broccoli, corn and artichokes.  Vegetables!

     What a blessing Christmas is to me!  I love Jesus, God WITH US!!

Violin and Cello Duet

A lovely Sunday afternoon, working this up.  
Clare is so much better than me! :)

O Come O Come Emmanuel

     I love Advent.
     I love our family singing "O Come O Come Emmanuel" for a blessing during this season.
     I love the Feasts of Our Lady, "without whom there would be no Nativity," said our priest this morning, and who teaches us to be humble, yielding to the will of God, and totally dependent on Jesus.
     I love how few things our children ask for Christmas, and yet how rich their experience of the JOY of CHRIST is.
     I love our friends, with whom it is so easy to enjoy this season.
     I love preparing my heart for the Coming of Christ, who has saved me, who has set my life on high ground, who protects me, gives meaning and happiness to my life.
    He is worth my life.  He is my all in all.

Yahoo!!!

     Yahoo!!  Clare has completed her reading Boot Camp!!!   And I learned some important life lessons in the process.
     She was not where she should be in Sept.  So I pushed her.  That failed.  So I had to do the impossible: go backwards.  I started over with "c-a-t" and like words.  It was so hard for me to feel like each day, we were back in pre-K.  But she needed to relax in order to learn.  So I had her do old lessons, and master them, and do them quickly and smoothly.
    We moved forward with 2 lessons a day, plus a phonics lesson from me, and then a phoncis workbook.  So really, 3 or 4 reading lessons a day.
    It was horrible.  She stumbled on obvious words that she has known for years.  Then I started making flashcards with phonograms on them.  We added this to the roster, which made 5 reading activities a day.
    Then somehow, she took off.  She had been working through "The Diggingest Dog," a 64 page, first reader.  She could only read 20 pages at first.  Then she moved up to 25.  Then 30.
    This week, we sat down and began at the beginning.  I said, "As I've said before, when you can read the whole book, I'll take you out to ice cream."
    No kidding, she opened it up, and flew through the whole thing.  I only had to help her with 4 or 5 words.
    That evening, we went out for gelato!

     Then yesterday, she started the Classic Start version of "Anne of Green Gables" (inspired by Aunt Kimmy's generous gift!).  Truly!  She has read one page of it for the past 2 days!
     The lesson that I learned was not to fear going backwards.  Sometimes it takes going backwards, and not being humiliated to do so, to move forwards.   Sometimes you just have to give in to the fact of where you or someone else is, and not send the message, "But you OUGHT to be somewhere else!"  That never works.  Instead, we have to accept the reality of where we are, and then figure out how to take the next step!  The gentleness of this approach seemed, in the case, to help her not just take one step, but take a hundred overnight.  That gives me hope!

Time Out!

    Sweet little Annie got her first, "No whining!" lesson today!

She did not really know what a time out was.

     So the kids and I all stood together, put a chair in a corner, and I explained: "We are only going to use kind voices.  No fussy voices.  No whiny voices.  So if you want something, you may say, "May I please have . . . '"

    I explained that if she whined, she would go in time out.  Since she is 2 years old, she would stay for 2 minutes.  I would stand with my back to the chair.

    Then I explained to the other kids: "We cannot whine or use any voice other than a kind voice.  We have to model kind voices for her. . . Even me!"  They loved that, and understood the importance.

    So the whole day, we were vigilant about Annie and her kind voice.  She got 3 time outs.  The other times, we corrected her, and she changed her voice immediately.

    She seemed to like her little chair, the fact that I did not walk away, and the chance to get it right, and then to be applauded and to get a reward.

     She was remarkable.  When Ron came home after work, we had to use it one time, and Annie's polite little request for what she wanted shocked him.

     Hooray!  All in a day's work!

Love

     "Love is patient, love is kind.  Love is not envious or boastful.  It is not arrogant or rude.  Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.  Love does not rejoice in the wrong, but rejoices in the right.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails."  (1 Cor. 13)

    I do not think it is possible to live out this passage without a powerful and real relationship with Jesus Christ.  Anyone would want to be able to have and live out love like this description of it.  But who can do it, in the face of being wronged, in the face of humiliation, in the face of abuse, in the face of abandonment and betrayal?
     It is not a matter of becoming peaceful and detaching from anger or pain; it is a matter of truly forgiving, and loving our enemies: that is the highest way of achieving love.  But without the power of Jesus in one's life, anointing one's spirit, giving us His power that forgives all wrongs and conquers all death, where would we get this ability?  The Power in the Universe that can achieve such a miraculous state is not a Force, but a Person: a humble, loving, gentle person; God, who is a Person, who made us to love us and share with us His power, His nature, and His love.

Feeling "worthless"

     I have never resonated with Christian writers who discuss being "worthless" as this has seemed so easy to confuse with a self-hatred or self-debasement.
     But recently, I have simply loved this idea of my being "worthless," and it has been a great help to me in prayer.
     It is a great cure for the aspects of my self that are still self-reliant, and not totally dependent on God.    In this regard, my ability to do anything good on my own, I am in fact worthless, and it is not erroneous or harmful to myself to constantly remind myself of this fact.  Of course it is definitely not to be confused with one's value as a person, as we are created with not just worth, but infinite worth.
    It is something to wrap one's head around: that we are worth the world in one respect, and worthless in another!  And yet we are: we are like jewels in the hand of God, precious in His sight, but yet are like vanishing mist, able to obtain nothing permanent, no lasting good without the supernatural power of God.
   

One Year Ago Today

. . . my father died of a heart attack.
     It is so hard to lose a parent.  So hard.
     I miss his smile, his laugh, his levity, and his being a grandfather to my kids.
     But today, as always, I am grateful.  I am grateful for my father's love for me.  I am grateful for my time with him.  I am grateful for the dignity of his death--he so feared living through a severe stroke.  For that, and so many other blessings around the circumstances of his death, I give thanks to God.   I am grateful for the gifts he gave me: instruction, admonition, encouragement, and warnings.   He was full of them, and wanted me to avoid the pitfalls he had fallen into or seen others fall into.  He wanted me to flourish.  He wanted my best.  He did not always know what that was, but he desperately wanted me to be happy.
     And so I am.
     Thank you, Daddy.  I love you.

God Bless America

     On this election night, it is such a point of gratitude for me to think of our country--our right to vote, our freedoms a priority, our dignity honored.   Compared to prior eras in which tyrants ruled, peasants were at the mercy of malicious whims, and slavery was the norm, we have come a long, long way.  It is humbling to be a part of such a great country.  God bless America!

I love this girl!

Oh, how I love this girl!  She loves to cook with me.  She loves to help with chores.

She has become so sprightly.  She has become sparkly.  This was not apparent in her for her first 5 years.  Yet now it shines!

     She had a big transformation this summer.  At her request, desiring to feel God's presence in her heart, I prayed for her and with her, that she would take to heart the message of Galatians 4, that the Holy Spirit helps a person's heart identify God as "Abba, Father."  When she could identify with that, I told her, that is the mark of having God in your heart and Jesus in your life.  That is the demonstration of the grace of one's baptism and conversion.

     We prayed for that feeling, and as soon as we did, she cried in my arms and said, "Yes, I feel that."  We repeated it for several days at her request.  She just loved it.

     But what has been astounding to me is that, not only has that feeling persisted for her (clearly God's doing, and not her own, given how quickly her feelings come and go), but there is a total transformation that is beyond the scope of that prayer experience.  She has become light hearted, whereas she used to be heavy hearted.  She has become radiant, where she used to be gloomy.  It is totally beyond her will, her daily decisions, her thinking.  God is truly present, I believe, in her heart, and it shows.  I should be the Mom who knows more than she, but I am the student here.  I am learning up close what it is like to have the Spirit of God in one's heart.  It is seeing God's beautiful, humble power right in front of my eyes.

I Could Eat a Million Donuts

     "I could eat a million donuts right now," said Leigh, while doing her math.

This girl is so darn sweet!

Leigh LOVES food.
She is an EXCELLENT reader and probably the smartest child in our family.
She is an outstanding artist, having a talent that none of the others has.
She is NEVER moody or upset--she is the most emotionally stable person in the group.
Most interestingly, she has a deep, inner sense of God's presence.  She says she feels God close to her always.
When she grows up, she wants to be "either an artist or a nun," she said yesterday.
God love her, protect her, and bless her!!  A PRECIOUS child of God!

Medieval Camp's Octoberfest!

     Tomorrow is the last of our four weekends of Medieval Camp--Jacob's creation, full of root beer brewing, and short lectures on Medieval culture, and sword fighting--that has been a smash hit (no pun intended).
     While the camp has been for boys, we are ending it with an Octoberfest for the campers and their families.  We are expecting 80 people!  We are currently making 2 briskets (that's a LOT of meat!), sausages on a stick, home made Boston baked beans (my favorite), corn, green beans, potatoes and rolls.  It is BYOB.
     I cannot wait!  This is the highlight of my fall!

The Genius of Forgiveness

     I know a man who has a grudge.
     As I have watched this man make choices, constantly accommodating his grudge--avoiding seeing the person he has a grudge against, etc.--it makes me feel sad for him.
     Those who know how to forgive had a real advantage in life.
     They are not enchained by other people's errors, sins and misdemeanors.
     Rather, they get to be in charge of where they go, whom they see, what they do.  They let the real judge, the Divine Judge, punish the wrong doer.  They can let go of the burden of other people's sins, and are free to roam where ever they choose.

     There is a genius of forgiveness.
     It takes insight to see that forgiving does not condone; it does not accept wrong doing.  It is just saying, "I will let someone else, namely God, have vengeance on that person." (Romans 12:21)
     Forgiveness is also insightful because it is consistent with the fact that each of us sometimes is the one in the wrong, and we would like others to forgive us.  It is intelligent to act in a way that does not set a double standard, but extends to others what we wish to have extended to us.
     Even when the offender is not sorry, we should forgive, just as Christ on the cross said: "Father, forgive them, for they knew not what they do."  Christ forgave those who were crucifying him--clearly, they were not repentant.
    This is part of the genius of forgiveness.  It is not contingent on other people getting their choices right.  It is how to keep your power, your integrity, and your autonomy in a world of broken people.

Teaching Clare to Read

     I have realized that, since Jake and Mary can obviously read, and Leigh is reading, I only have one more child to teach to read for a long time!  (Annie is pretty far down the pike).
     It will be such a relief having everyone reading!
     I am working with Clare twice a day on reading exercises.  She knows I have gotten serious.  I have really put the pressure on.  And she is responding well.  She is improving every day.  She just has to get those mechanics down.  She has SO MANY phonograms memorized.  But it is the technique of following along from the first to the second letter and so on, not jumping around, not adding sounds that are not there, not guessing--just sticking to the letters or phonograms in the right order, and then synthesizing that and coming up with meaning--that we are after.  It is an orderliness of the mind's functions that I can foster but not give her--she has to generate it; she has to will it.  She is SO CLOSE.  Her siblings are praying for her, rooting for her, encouraging her.  I just KNOW this is going to happen any day now!

Henry V

     I love our youth group!  It's called SHYN: Sacred Heart Youth Night.  Its talent show is this weekend.  Jacob is ready!

     I also love homeschooling: 

1) Can you hear the pencil sharpener running through the whole clip?  We got a new one today, and the girls are sharpening every single colored pencil and lead pencil in the house. 

2) We do our schooling barefoot!

Who will be the greatest?

     What make a person great?  What makes a person successful, special?  What signifies that they have grown into their real and full potential?

     "Whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all.  For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."  (Mk. 10:45)

     Marriage and motherhood is one real path to greatness.  Serving in the Spirit of God, putting yourself last, and giving your life for others--this is the way of Christ within family.

     What is one's potential to LOVE?  Growing into that is to grow into one's fullest potential.  

Getting Into the Swing of Things

     Finally, after a whole quarter, getting into the swing of school this year!
     Things that helped: taking standardized tests last week and seeing where each child is; a friend suggesting new way to think about co-op; and just realizing that JOY is up to us, and we can just choose it!

   I finally like this academic year!!  Yay!!

Wonderful Mom

I love Mom.  Her heart is always in the right place.  Who is humbler or more determined in the search for love, authenticity and generosity than this lady?

Truly, I know of none!

Called to Love

     A man who is very big in the Catholic publishing world came to our home and visited with Ron and me.  He was giving us advise on possible projects.
     When I explained to him my idea for a book on the importance of motherhood and its worthiness as a whole life's vocation, and that I imagined it being published through the Image Books division of Random House in NYC, he said, "Oh, that is perfect!"  He kept repeating it, "Yes, that is the right publisher."  And, "Yes, that is an excellent project."
     He said things like, "The religious section at Barnes and Noble is populated with women customers, and yet there are so few books on women and by women.  Yes, your book will surely make a buck.  Yes, that is an outstanding project."
     But I have had a strange reaction since that meeting.  I do not feel called to a public life, in which I would need to promote such a book.  Some people are called to a public life, and I think that is important.  For example, a person might have a calling to be an evangelist, a preacher, a servant of the poor, an actor, or an athlete--all of these jobs could be very glorifying to God.  And they would or could be public.
    But my call is not to evangelism or teaching or any of the above vocations.  My calling is to love.  The main person I am called to love is God.
    Why did God make the world?  He made it so that the world might love Him.
    But a lot of people do not love him.
    I want to be part of the world that is actively, all day long, LOVING GOD.
    One way to love God is through a prayer in my heart.
    Another way to love God is to love the people in my life.  I love God through loving them.  
    That is why being a wife and mother is so rich and powerful: it is fulfilling the purpose of the created UNIVERSE in your all-day-every-day existence.
 
   So for now, anything I write will be private, and not published.  I will obey my instructions from God: LOVE.  Don't evangelize or teach or fix or solve.  Rather, LOVE.

Fall Break

     I love Fall Break.  I took the kids to a bookstore to get a book for Jacob and they got several educational items--so strange to me how much they want to learn! We came home and set up two teams (Jake and Leigh versus Mary and Clare) to compete on number of hours put into three goals: musical instrument practice, memorizing the presidents, and learning Italian.  Their competition is underway!
    Meanwhile, I got to review my recipes, put together shopping lists and gluten-free bread flour mixes, and think about my next quilt.  The best part was tuning my cello and playing for the first time in a while.  I am working on "O Sacred Head Surrounded," my favorite hymn.  Ah, I really needed to rest!

Girl Power!

Clare's soccer debut was this weekend! Her coach congratulated her for not letting the ball in the goal (even though it did not get near the goal!).  She kept waving at us from the field.  So precious!!!

Go, Clare! 

Rosie

     Our sweet dog Rosie died--a little unexpectedly, on the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi.
     That dog was a faithful companion to us, through our whole life with children.  We got her when I was pregnant with Jacob, and she has been with us through six pregnancies, five live births, four homes, countless camping trips, and seemingly ten thousand children who came over to play.  She was gentle, loyal, and helped make our family what it is today.

     Thank you, Rosie!  We love you!  It is strangely empty in this house without you! 

 

Breathing the Gospel

John Paul II

 "What actually is the Rosary? A compedium of the Gospel. It brings us back again and again to the most important scenes of Christ's life, almost as if to let us''breathe' his mystery. The Rosary is the privileged path to contemplation. It is, so to speak, Mary's way. Is there anyone who knows and loves Christ better?"

Turning Upside Down

     To get one's spiritual life right, one often has to live "upside down."
     To be great, one has to serve.
     To be holy, one has to confront sin rather than block it out.
     To gain your life, you have to lose it.
     To accomplish what the heart most desires, one has to not focus on WHAT one is accomplishing, but rather, HOW one is living.
     I have to take time in silence every day to "get back upside down," to remember what I had known before but had invariably lost sight of in just several hours.
     How I love His gentle promptings and powerful act of love in my heart.  When that comes, I know that He has righted my position by getting me back to being upside down.

The Best Thing

     One great thing about my experience of giving the philosophy talk at UD was that so many of my former students came to see the presentation, and then stayed to visit afterwards.  I taught them over 2 years ago, and so it was unexpectedly delightful that they wanted to attend.  They had such kind words about the presentation as well as the class from several years ago.  They asked me if I was planning to teach again soon, as though that would be a welcome addition.  How delightful!
    But the very best thing about my experience was that my friend Suzannah came.  I am not sure what she did with ALL SEVEN of her children, including a one year old!  I am not sure how she pulled of a birthday party for her 11 year old, just an hour later.  It is like she defied time and space to be there.  She suspended her lack of any connection whatsoever with philosophy to be there.  It was a sign of pure CARITAS that she was there.
     The talk was about COMMUNION, about communion as the natural purpose or "end" of the human person.  Suzannah was living COMMUNION to be there, and that made a world of difference.

Today's Colloquium

     Today I am giving a talk at UD on the philosophical justification of the dignity of the human person--I am really looking forward to it!

Upside Down

     My new favorite book is called, Divine Mercy: A Guide from Genesis to Benedict XVI by Robert Stackpole.
     Despite it's fertile teachings, I disagree with the first sentence, which reads: "This book is a guide to a message that the world desperately needs to hear.  This message comes from 'above,' 'right from the top,' from the Maker of the Universe Himself," (p. 13).
     I disagree with the claim that God is "at the top."  I think that God's kind of power is the power that issues from "the bottom."  God makes the world, He rules the world, and He is the only transcendent, almighty, all-knowing creator of the universe.  But as creator, He does not sit "above."  God is humble, merciful, and tender.
     If you want to find God, look at the lepers, the sick, the dying.  Look at the poor, the sorrowful, the brokenhearted.  God is all-powerful and the only entity that is deserving of worship and praise.  In fact, He is deserving of our entire lives, which are but a breath in contrast to Him.  Nevertheless, it is part of the greatness of God that He is "below," with the sinners and the meek, and can be found only when we come to Him in humility.

The Holy Spirit Coming Down

     Pentecost is the Holy Spirit coming down upon a person and into their heart, mind and spirit.
    I was blessed to witness the Holy Spirit come down upon my dear friend, Samantha.  How blessed I am to be her sponsor!

     What could matter more than that a person be in a right relationship with God?
     What could matter more than that a person be able to hear the whisper of God in the quiet of their heart?

     As the Bishop said, God whispers, "[Your name], I love you.  You are mine.  Your name is written on my heart.  I will never let you go.  I am your shepherd.  If you wander, I will search for you and find you, wrap you around my neck, and carry you home."  

     God is merciful, God is gentle, God is steadfast in His love.  
     Praise be to God!

This Little Light of Mine

     "No one who lights a lamp conceals it with a vessel or sets it under a bed: rather he places it on a lamp stand so that those who enter may see the light," (Lk. 8:16)
     One of my favorite things about being a Christian is how I feel Christ's light shining.
     It is SO DIFFERENT from putting your ego out there, trying to make is sparkle, and trying to get other people to think well of you.  It is so easy for your ego to collapse!  What if someone criticizes you!  What if you genuinely fail?
     If your happiness is staked on your ego, you are set up for not ever achieving happiness.
    If your happiness is staked, rather, on the light of Christ--Christ's letting the Spirit of Christ live in you, having given your life entirely to Him--then real joy, humble joy, and powerful and unwaivering joy, can be yours!  Oh, how I love Him!
     The song, "This Little Light of Mine" was not originally a children's song.  It was a Spiritual from the Deep South.  I just LOVE the old Gospel renditions of this song.  It is a powerful, meaningful experience to sing it with heart!

Being First

     "Whoever wants to be first, shall be last and servant of all."  This is what Christ said to the apostles who were discussing who among them would be greatest.
     Being last must be different for all people.  Maybe it means not receiving honors or promotions at one's workplace, and accepting this well.  Maybe it means not being friends with someone you really wish would like you, and surrendering your desire to God.  Maybe it means not getting to succeed in some way that feels important to you, and relinquishing this success for some higher good.
     I have these experiences all the time.  It is always something different: doing a job and feeling overlooked, being unwanted by a potential friend, feeling unappreciated, feeling inferior to professionals in what would have been my field.
     But I rejoice, for God is so good to those of us who are "last"!  He gives such sweet consolation.
     For the Christian message to be about a person who was a failure on so many worldly levels, and yet who succeeded only because He was always in the will of His Father, is profound.  Imagine promoting a whole religion about a man who was put to death for scandalizing His own people!  What are the chances of the success of such a religion!  If I were going to promote someone, I would promote someone who had succeeded in at least SOME way!  But Jesus was truly the one who was "last."  He was stripped of all honor, all public affection, all political success, and all friendship.  He had no money, no title, no office, and ultimately, was denied his own life.
     Yet He is the Rock of my heart, the Pillar of my world.  He is first in my life.
     It is a radical life, a paradoxical one, and one in which it is impossible to keep one's comforts and status and prestige and still be on His road, in the Father's will.    
     Oh, how I love Him.

Thomas Aquinas

     I love Thomas Aquinas.  He is such a mystic.  The cornerstone of his philosophy is that we are radically dependent for our very existence on God.  He balances this existential dependence with a robust ontology of material beings.  We are not shadows of reality (as Plato might have it), but substances (as Aristotle would have it).  Nevertheless, as robust substances, we are radically dependent on God, and ephemeral at best in our existence.  
     Such a paradox.  He navigates it with dexterity!

A Man for All Seasons

     Every year I have a spiritual goal.  One year it was humility, then joy, then getting upset well, then humility again, and so on.  This year is, "Speaking the truth in love," a phrase from Ephesians.
     A Man for All Seasons is such a great movie.  I had not seen it in 20 years.  But I have watched it twice recently and am so grateful for Thomas More's ability to be kind, gentle, and unwaiveringly truthful.
     God help me to speak the truth when it is unpopular or uncomfortable for others but right before God.  

Back to the Cloister

     In taking on family life, I chose to renounce the world.   Just as a nun or a monk renounces the world to gain intimacy with Christ in a concrete, all-encompassing manner, so have I left the world, and my home is where I seek Christ.
     I feel that I have gifts to give, books to write and promote: but I have decided to set it all aside for the time being.
     I have a temptation to "be me": do what I can do beyond being a wife and mother.  After having been pregnant or holding an infant for over ten years, and now am not for the time being, I am feeling suddenly able to work in my community and on projects that I have always wanted to do.  It is tempting.
     But being in my home, prioritizing these relationships IS to do my best.  It is the most sublime of all the things I can do.
     Just as a monk renounces the world, not to retreat or hide, but to climb the highest heights of sanctity, and thus discards all encumbrances that weigh him down, such as money, worldly goods or ambition--so am I choosing the cloister of my home, and the worldly aspirations I could take on, in order to ascend to the heights of love and humility that God has chosen for me.
     So I am going to postpone my writing projects and future presentations--which were going really well--for five years.  I need to simplify.
     Ultimately the reason rests in this verse: "Where your treasure is, there your heart lies also."  My heart normally lies in finding intimacy with Christ through and in my family.  If my heart becomes distracted from this goal, it is like leaving the monastery.  I lose my peace.
     It is time for me to go back the cloister.

God's Genius

     "The mystery of the cross is intolerable considered from without--which is why it is intolerable for such a large number of Christians who consider it as such.  If considered from within, one discovers the cross as the victory of love, and as a means.  The cross is not a stopping point.  The cross is a passageway; it is a Passover.  The cross is God's true 'passage.'  But one does not stop or remain there.  One does not abide in the cross; one abides in love. . . .  The cross is wisdom if viewed in the light of faith, that is, from the inside, as God himself views it."  (Fr. Marie-Dominique Philippe, O.P.)

     Many people dismiss the cross: "It is just not my tradition," or "It makes no sense," or "It breeds weakness and tolerance of injustice."

     The cross, however, is the most sophisticated reality in human history.
     The cross is God showing us how to find power in weakness--this is more sublime than finding power in strength, which is obvious.  Finding power in weakness, richness in poverty, gain in loss, now THIS is what requires genius, the genius of God.

    In the cross, we find our healing: "By his wounds, you were healed," (1 Peter 2:24).  The healing of our wounds, the healing of our pain, is not in escaping pain, which is again obvious but banal.  God's healing is in the embrace of the cross, by which Christ displays the perfection of humility, the perfection of obedience, the perfection of gentleness, and the perfection of love.  

That's What Little Boys are Made Of

Not so little anymore!

Happy Birthday, Jacob! 

Gotta Know your Goals

     About teaching: it has such a draw.  I like teaching, and I like doing something that is rewarding.
     But just because I can, does not mean I ought to do it.  A person's got to know her goals.  If my goal is a certain kind of family relationship, which it is, then teaching as enrichment, yes.  But teaching instead of family, no.
     Even one class during the summer program is something I should not do: I NEED A BREAK.  By the time the summer comes, I need to recover. Working instead of recovering from the school year would be to squander a gorgeous opportunity to refresh for the next year.  Just because teaching has an allure, does not mean that it is right.
     Homeschooling is H.A.R.D.  It is so hard that I have been unsure whether or how long I can continue.  But as soon as I travel very far down that road, wondering about putting them all in school, I realize that we have something special, and I know that part of that "specialness"is because of homeschooling.  I think the benefits will come for the duration of my adulthood as well as those of our children: they will have a bond with Ron and me that is just irreplaceable.
     That is my goal: to have given myself as completely as possible to my family relationships.  It is a reflection of the Trinity, it is the pursuit of divine love, and as such, is something that lasts past death.  If teaching or giving a presentation or writing something for the benefit of someone else can be done in a small way that does not interfere with that pursuit, then I would enjoy it.  But as soon as I am overextended, then I am hurting those relationships, my pursuit and myself, and as attractive as it might have been, it is just not a good option.  You gotta know your goals!

Low Point

     Our most recent low point: being guests for dinner at some friends' home, and having brought the hosts a gift. I had told Clare before we left: "Get a gift bag, and put in one of the new handmade soaps we just bought."
     Just before we left, Clare plopped a gift bag by the door saying, "Got it!"
     When we presented the gift to the hostess, she opened it and I realized that Clare had gotten the used soap out of our bathroom.
     I blushed, and asked if it was used.  The hostess said, "Well, it is a little slippery!"
     We all had a good laugh.

The Irony of Love

    The biggest surprise to me, as I homeschool: I expected that my kids would grow tired of me, feel smothered, and need to get away.
    The shocking truth is that the more I give, being more and more attuned to them emotionally, the more they want.
    The mystics say it, but it must be truer than it sounds: we are made for love, for attuned presence with one another.  It is a metaphysical reality that in my experience is inescapable.

Teaching in Rome

     Ron and I have been through a whirlwind in the past two weeks.  Mainly, we have been discerning how to respond to the dean's strong suggestion that I offer to teach in Rome for a year or two--that would make the package of sending our whole family over there better for the university.  Secondly, Ron is proposing another summer program, and had suggested that I teach a class as well--maybe a class on medieval spirituality or philosophy of the human person.
     I do not know if we will ever go--either for an academic year or two, or for a summer.  But I have come to the opinion that if such an option arises, that I should not teach.
     I like the idea of teaching those classes.  I would love to be in the classroom, and get to read those marvelous texts.  I would like to use the skill I worked so hard to cultivate.
     But it appears clear to me that I have already selected my job.  It is really demanding.  It is really important.  It requires daily preparation of the heart and mind, honing of virtue, a constant increase in discipline, and it brings out the best that is in me.  It requires all my attention in order to be excellent at it.  As soon as I get distracted, I am disappointed in how I perform at my job.  It is also satisfying: when I have lived my life, having done well at this job will, I believe, bring peace and joy.  More than being excellent in the classroom or excellent at writing a book, my job is worth all that I have to give it.
     It is motherhood.
     

My Most Creative Child

. . . is definitely this one!

     She always surprises me with what she produces.  We were doing math with manipulatives, and she was supposed to make a shape out of these tiles.  In six years of doing this homeschool work, I have seen many geometric patterns and large symmetrical blobs.  

     But this is the first time I've seen groovy dancers!!!

 

Letting Go

     I am having the most interesting thing happen during my prayer time.
     I feel like God is giving me an ability that I did not used to have to let go of all the things that "tug" at me, and just rest in His presence.
     I am weak in the "letting go" department: years ago, Ron said that my "Release Button" was faulty!
     Just recently, it feels like I have been given a great boost in this area.  It is as though God wants my full presence, with my mind and heart not being distracted.  It is such a gift to me, because I relish in just sitting in His love--not moving, not thinking, just blessing Him and being blessed by His caring, thoughtful attention.

Impressions in Wax

     Aristotle describes learning in this way: our minds are like soft wax, being impressed by a form that leaves a shape.
     It is so strange to see one child have very "soft wax," receiving impressions easily, while seeing another child have "hard wax," having to receive the new information over and over and over, and still not receiving the impression.
     I reviewed this data with my sweet Clare over and over again, and the poor girl just could not get it:

"Nektonic animals: swim.
 Benthic animals: scoot or walk.
 Sessile animals: do not move.
 Plankton: drift."

   I drew pictures; I wrote memory devises; I acted it out; I used different voice tones for each one.

   But I have seen it before, and hope to see it again: hard wax softens over time, with consistent and loving labor.  Eventually, a child will become facile with what was once impossible.
   I know I am that way too, with intellectual and spiritual matters: some things are just too hard at first, but eventually, the mind and heart become impressionable, and finally take on the form God desires.
   Old dogs really can learn new tricks!

(Note: As I was writing the above post, I was FORGETTING to pick my daughter up from co-op.  I had it in my head that the pick up time was "12:45," but it was really 12:30.  I had looked at the sheet with the time on it repeatedly!  Ah, the irony!)

Learning to Homeschool--Reinventing the Wheel!

     I am having to learn all over again how to homeschool!  There has been a mushrooming of lessons to teach--there is not enough time in the day!  It is taking some kind of superhuman intelligence to figure out a new schedule!  What I am trying now:

     7:30 exercise and breakfast
     8:30 family prayer and memory work
     8:45 I begin Math with each child in turn;
             --other children do independent work and take turns with Annie as she needs it
            [THIS IS TAKING ME ALL MORNING!!!!!!!!  YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!]
     12 pm Lunch and Laundry; then Mary puts Annie down for a nap.
     1 pm  All Language Arts subjects with Clare and Leigh
     3 pm  Review Co-op work and other subjects with Jacob and Mary

     School is finished around 4 pm, sometimes later!

   

A New Way to Love for Catholic Couples

          Here is the link to A New Way to Love for Catholic Couples, by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, with Kathryn Rombs and Ron Rombs.

http://newwaytolove.com/catholic/

     It has been such a delight to produce.  As Ron and I say in the Preface, It has felt like a project--much more limited in scope--but similar in spirit to the sort of undertaking that Thomas Aquinas or Augustine made, finding something truthful and right in a secular format, and bringing it into a Catholic paradigm.

    The most wonderful part for me has been the joy of working with Mom and Dad.  "Partners in Crime," we call ourselves! :)

Manuscript is Printing!

    As we speak, my first manuscript is printing on my desk!  It is called Captivated by Family, and is a testimony about how I came to see family life as a significant life calling, and how I came to choose that vocation as my primary life's work.
     It is written in short, blog post length stories, with different themes interwoven.
     It is 108 pages.
     I am not sure what to do with it!  I am giving it to my mom and a friend today, to see what they think.  
     It is such a good feeling to have gotten it written.  I never planned to write it: I just found it all on the tip of my tongue, and so I wrote it out--I wrote most of it in a 4 day period.
     It makes me think of Isaiah Chapter 1: God placed a burning coal on Isaiah's tongue, and suddenly, he was able to speak.
     Similarly, I have had so much to say for so long, and could not quite speak the first word.  But in an instant, God opened my lips, and out came a story of praise of how God showed me the path He wanted for me.  It is a delightful experience.  
     

A Godly Game of Scrabble

    Tonight we had game night, with our delightful Aunt June as the guest of honor.  Aunt June is a Christian writer, radio personality and speaker, singly focused on spreading the Good News in every way possible. 
     Well tonight, she joined us for game night and we played Scrabble.  At one point during the game, here is a picture of the board:

          At the top, as you can see, is the word, "Godly," which was my play.  I got 12 points for it. 
     Then Aunt June played, "Fag," which you can also see at the top.  She got 21 points for that word! 
     The eldest, age 10, said: "What does 'Fag' mean?"
     Oh, the conversation that ensued. . . it went on and on, from a basic explanation of the meaning of the word, to plumbing the depths of the upcoming elections. 
     A Scrabble Board: $15.  A night with Aunt June: priceless! 

Quilting

    It's time to trade toddler beds out for 4 bunk beds in the girls' room.  

     That means it's time for new bedding.  

     I simply could not stand the thought of buying comforters or quilts, when I used to love quilting, and dreamed of having children for whom to make quilts!

     The sad reality is that, now that I have five children, I have no time to make them.  

     I almost broke down and bought some.  But I got the inspiration, swerved the car to change directions, and headed for the quilt store.  An entire afternoon later, all five children had picked out their fabrics.  I set to work right away, and have one top completed.  Goodness knows, Math and Science will simply have to wait!  

Ron Making Wine

     A new hobby!

     Lucky me!

     Inspired by the vineyard and winery in Rome, Ron is looking to produce his own "Cote Du Rombs!"

Fr. Apostoli and Me!

     Here I am with Fr. Apostoli, CFR!  What an inspiration. 

     I have written a book, almost despite myself.  It just came out while I was on silent retreat.  I did not go, expecting to write a single word that I did write--it took me by surprise. 
     Ron found a Catholic Writers' Convention and I reluctantly went.  I simply hate the idea of self-promotion. 
    But at the first talk I attended, led by Fr. Andrew, this inspired monk talked about our responsibility to present what we have to say, responding to John Paul II and Benedict XVI's call for a New Evangelism.  The whole three days of the conference were loaded with guidance and formation: how to avoid hubris and ego, while promoting the message God has given us. 
    That was a new message for me to wrap my head around, and it seems like the message God wanted me to receive.  I feel at peace about it in a way I never have!    

Kids in the Kitchen

     The wonderful book, A Homeschool Mother's Rule, was so inspiring, but when I read it, I could not implement it because my children were so much younger than hers.
     But that has changed!
     All four older kids can do kitchen work now.  So now, we have 4 jobs, and they rotate the jobs every week.
1) washing the dishes
2) drying and putting away the dishes
3) clearing the counter and table of remaining items
4) spraying the kitchen table and counter

     They have stopped complaining about a job, since it is for a week; a group attitude has taken root, in which they accept whatever the job is, since it is not theirs for long.

     So I no longer clean up after any meal, on a good day!  Sometimes I'll help wash dishes if it is intense, but then 2 people dry and put them away, and it all goes very quickly.

     I cook in the morning, enough for 2 sit down meals at lunch and dinner.  Huge pot of stew with rice, 2 casseroles, 2 ovens' worth of roasted chicken and a huge salad.  I simply cannot believe the volume with which I am cooking now.  But if I put it together in the morning and let it cook before lunch, then I am done cooking and cleaning the kitchen for the rest of the day!  I LOVE IT!!

    I learned that from the monks at Christ in the Desert monastery.  I am SO grateful for their example!

Something Different Around Here

     On my silent retreat last month, I "heard" silence for the first time in ten years.  It was a beautiful sound!  I heard my heart and God's more clearly.
     In evaluating what needs to change and what should remain the same in my life, I discerned that only one main thing should change: NO MULTI-TASKING.  It is killing my joy, which is trying so hard to be strong and plentiful!
    
     So I have re-arranged my homeschool day:
-an hour for prayer and exercise
-an hour for housework, including putting dinner together
-three hours for homeschooling
-50 minutes for lunch (eaten together in silence, listening to classical music)
-10 minutes for closing my eyes and doing NOTHING
-three more hours for homeschooling
-10 minutes for closing my eyes and doing NOTHING
-50 minutes for business, phone calls and email
-one hour for housework
-one hour for dinner and clean up
-on hour for family music lessons and reading together in the library
-family prayers
-bedtime

Sundays, NO Cleaning, NO Cooking, NO Computer

     My favorite part about having implemented this plan is how much I have to deny myself!  I get so tickled that I "cannot" rotate the laundry while I am teaching math to someone, or that I "cannot" check my email until after school.  It is a strange feeling, to break the double-tasking experience, and I feel intense relief that I am just going to be where I am, when I am there!

     I LOVE IT!!

Feast of Rose of Lima

     Happy Feast Day, Rose of Lima!  She was a woman who transformed the face of South America because of her love for Jesus.  So inspiring!

     We cut ROSES in honor of St. Rose!

I love my husband!

So thoughtful; so good to me.  

Such a good dad. 

I am SO BLESSED!!

The Angelus

     We got to see, hear, and be BLESSED by the pope at his praying the Angelus on Sunday in St. Peter's Square.

Annie began saying, almost incessantly: "See pope!  See pope!"  

We finally said, "The pope is taking a nap."  

Now she seems to think he is ALWAYS taking a nap, as her new refrain is: "Pope is take a nap!" 

We love you, Benedict!

We pray for your intentions.  

Thank you for your prayers for us!  

Living Cruciform

     One of the richest treasures of late is the way Ron's and my thoughts have converged on the same topic without realizing it.
     Ron's class, Faith and Culture, emphasizes the writings of Pope Benedict XVI, one of Ron's heroes. Ron chokes up just talking about the pope, sometimes.  To Ron, he is a misunderstood saint, a man whose take on Western culture is unsurpassable, and yet he is burdened with an inability to "advertise" himself well.  Benedict, in Ron's opinion, suffers from underwhelming his audiences, and his personality does not have what it takes to compensate for the deliberate undermining of his credibility by the secular media.
     At any rate, one of the messages Ron has taught most forcefully this summer is that the Christian life is about being Cruciform: conforming one's life with the Cross of Christ.  Culminating in martyrdom, true Christianity is incompatible with "prosperity theology" and all attempts to idolize comfort, indulgence,  and self-preservation.  Ron has ruminated over his generation and the one he is teaching: we do not know war or poverty or hunger.  His students write things like, "The martyrs are examples of great faith, but the time is past that there would ever be martyrs anymore."  Our generations fail to realize how recently WWII was, and how soon we will likely see such tortures again.
     As Ron has become concerned about how far the pendulum has swung away from Christianity that knows how to suffer, I piped up: "It is really the faithful Catholic family that continuously reminds the faithful how to life a life outside of oneself."  To be open to life through the duration of one's marriage is to be constantly ready to give, to serve, to think about and love someone else.  It is to give up being at the center of one's own life.
     I have a friend who says that she had not come to a close relationship with Jesus until she married and lived out the Church's teaching of Humanae Vitae.  Only then, she said, did she have to give up her self-reliance, and in her new found dependence, had to become more intimate with the one on whom she was dependent.
     The faithful Catholic married life is a life of self-donation, of giving up one's life for another (or in some cases, MANY others!).  This is one of the ways that contemporary Americans, despite the selfishness of the culture, can get back to the heart of the Christian faith, a life lived in the spirit of Christ Crucified.

Mom's Scarf!

    I'm working on Mom's scarf every day!  I just LOVE it (and LOVE her!!)!

Chin Chin! (That's Italian for "Cheers!")

      After not cooking a lick for 6 weeks, I have exploded in a cooking craze--I have made lunch and dinner every day this week at the outdoor kitchen here on campus.  We use the outdoor grill and bread/pizza oven.  I am whipping up things I have only dreamed of in years past (thanks to the little cookbook I picked up in Florence).
     Last night, we made the best homemade pizzas I've ever had (again, not talent, just a good recipe!), AND a homemade lasagna for the next day.  Ron is AMAZING in his wielding the outdoor oven and grill with charisma!  The director of the program said that even he, in all these years, has not mastered the bread oven.  My husband HAS THE GIFT!!!!

Jake getting a College Education

This summer, Jake is absorbing lots of the college lectures he is hearing!

He mentioned to me that "Dr. Hansen and I love history."  (Well, Dr. Hansen is the history professor!) 

It's a Grand Night for Singing

Here is little Annie singing, "It's a Grand Night for Singing," from State Fair:

"It's a grand night for singing, the stars are bright above,
The earth is aglow and to add to the show,
I think I am falling in love--
falling, falling in love."

Lots of Blood

   The only real problem has been all the BLOOD!  So many accidents!
   While Ron and older kids were in Assisi, I got glass in my toe.  It took me 3 days and a grueling self-surgery to get it out.  A true, bloody mess.
    Then, when the girls and I were in Siena, I had a sense that there was about to be lots of blood.  So I gave them a big, "No bleeding!" speech--no running down hills, no dashing across gravel roads, etc.
    Then, on the sixth leg of our journey home, Mary got a deep gash in her leg.  None of us knows exactly what she got cut by--some thorn or glass as we walked to the campus from the last bus station.  When I saw it, I knew it was worthy of stitches.  I cried there on the street, so upset I could not help her.  We just had to keep walking to get onto the safety of the campus.  Some sweet local ladies helped us with our bags, since now Mary could not carry hers, and Annie was dangerously close to the cars on the street.  We were sort of vomited onto the perimeter of the campus--bags, purses, dress up masks, water bottles, dumped onto the private property of UD.  The ladies left us, and I got Mary some wipes to stem the blood flow until we got up to the room.  I got nauseous, dealing with all the blood.  I disinfected and butterflied it with my well-worn First Aid kit (ransacked during the glass-in-toe episode).  I had nightmares that she was not up to date on her tetnus and that she was permanently brain-damaged.  I woke her in the night several times, to check on her.
     In the morning, I determined that she was not responding to the butterfly, and should take her to the ER.  So Randy I. who was thankfully here on campus, fluent in Italian, had a car at his disposal, and a daughter who could babysit my other daughters (Yes, a MIRACLE!), took me to the hospital.
    Two hours later, we had returned Mary to the campus with one stitch--given without anesthesia (MEAN Italian doctors!!!).  While the gash warranted about 5, the doctor chose to give one stitch so that pus could drain from either end.
    The doctor acted as though I should have come in the night before.  I felt like it was overkill to go in at all.  It is all so hard to discern!  It was as stressful as anything I have been through in quite a while!

   Just to top it off, Clare has a bloody knee; Leigh dropped a glass jar; Annie grabbed a knife (that she could not have reached one month ago--growing before my eyes!) and slit Clare's finger.  Gosh, I'm on my second First Aid kit, and both are ransacked!

    I did throw a true fit when Clare picked Annie up to let her see out the second story window.  We have had a firm "Feet on the floor" rule for all heights.  Somehow, this rule just could not get through Clare's head.  It is like Aristotle's description of our minds being like wax, sometimes soft, and sometimes hard so that it does not receive impressions.  Her head was hard as stone on this topic, and she has been reprimanded over and over.  So yesterday, with all the other health and safety issues, I really made a scene.
   The strange thing about Clare was that, when we recovered, it was like she was happier and more relaxed than ever.  She responds so well to such harsh treatment!  Jake, on the other hand, shuts down. It is so strange that different children have such different brain chemistry.  Well, what ever it takes to keep these children alive and healthy!

A Holy Journey

    The trip home would be hard--so we offered it up for a special intention.  Each child was given strict instructions about what they could and could not do, and they were SAINTS.  A laborious trip wound up being a true blessing!

Girl Time in Siena--oh la la!

     Oh, the girls and I devoured Siena.  We walked every sleepy street.  We made our pilgrim way to the home of St. Catherine, and to her Dominican church.  Lounging around our pension room (a renovated 14th century town home--that is when St. Catherine of Siena lived!) we told all her stories.  Then, when walking through these sacred places, the girls practically jumped for joy as they noticed pictures of the stories they knew: Catherine choosing the crown of thorns rather than the crown of gold from the hands of Christ, the dove over her head for her skeptical father to see, Catherine receiving the stigmata.  We had the chapel in Catherine's home (built after her canonization) all to ourselves, and so I gave the girls a lesson (much needed by Clare) as to bowing, genuflecting, no running, etc.  We literally practiced walking past the altar and stopping to bow, one at a time.  I did this sort of thing with Jake, who taught Mary.  But the younger cohort was much in need!  It felt like such a luxury.
    Then we searched around for treasures.  The girls had an allotted 20 Euros each to spend on the 7 weeks abroad.  They gained more for services rendered, such as babysitting or folding clothes, and lost them for punishments, for such things as complaining or not keeping their feet on the floor when peering out of high balconies or windows.
     So each girl searched the shops of Siena for the little prizes they wanted: Mary got gifts for friends, an ink pen with an ink well; Clare got a feather ink pen and ink well; Leigh got a scarf and an ink pen and an ink well.  They all got a mask for dress up.

     Mary gave Clare 3 Euros to make what Clare needed to obtain the feather pen.  It was true generosity!  But I made Clare make the Euros back. She has done it: 1 Euro for not complaining even once, carrying her bag all the way from Siena back to the campus (a 5 hour trip with 6 legs of the journey, and then 2 for folding 3 piles of laundry.
    The tricky part was eating without spending too much of our precious few resources.  So we found a pizzeria that was 1 Euro per slice of kids pizza, and that went a long way.

  We also found a grocery store and managed to eat most meals, makeshift either on Il Campo, the town square, or in our room.  Devouring room temp gnocchi out of a tin casserole dish, the girls cried, "This is the best food I've ever eaten!"  I'm sure it WAS.