This morning began with Mass. I took Sebastian and Annie. Silly me--I was disappointed that I was not able to go alone, missing the quality prayer time I might have had. But they both asked to come with me, instead of with the older siblings and Dad later in the day.
Annie looked up at me at the end of Mass. She said, "I love God so much it hurts." She began to cry. I hugged her. She began to sob. I got so curious. This happens a lot. I asked her, "Why are you crying?" She said, "I just want to give God my whole life. I cannot wait to be a nun."
She has said that many times. But somehow when she said it today, I thought, "Maybe she really does!" I told her she has a very special gift, loving God so much. She cried. For the rest of the day, I have prayed for her, that if she is called to be a nun, that no obstacle would get in her way, that God would clear her path, and that Ron and I would do all we can to support her calling.
My feelings were so mixed. I feel so negligent of Annie. Our first three children really got our best. Our fourth, Leigh, got less. Our fifth, Annie, much less. She has really gotten terrible treatment from me. Then, Sebastian, number six, came along, and took anything that might rightfully have been Annie's. She was completely displaced. She still is.
When I think of her becoming a nun, I am humbled. I think, "NOT from any merit on my part!" She would not find this vocation because we help her so much, teacher her so well, putting our backs into her becoming the best she can be. It truly would be God calling her. God's doing, 100%. I had one of those St. Paul moments--God is everything, and I am a worthless little nobody whom God can use but who is worthless on her own. To God be all the glory!
Later today, I saw her, hugged her, and said, "You really are going to become a nun, aren't you?" She resolutely said, "Yes." Then she continued: "My nun costume for Halloween is not perfect. I think I will wait to get a good one in the convent." What a blessed child!
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