Every year, I choose one thing that I need to work on, and make it my goal for the year. The year is the liturgical year, which begins with Advent. So, two weeks ago I began my new year, pursuing my new spiritual goal: joyful trust.
Trust in God is hard for me. I like to see the blueprints, the road map. I don't currently see where my life is headed--will my book ever get published? Will it be well received? What impact will that have on my life? What will my family life be like in a few years? What needs to happen for me to feel like my life is a success? Some days these questions are just so hard for me.
So I am happily taking on "trust" as my year's goal. But even that word sounds gloomy to me. It sounds macabre, like I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death! So, I have renamed my goal, "Joyful trust." I am seeking the kind of trust that my children have. They are happy, knowing that things will basically turn out well for them, because Ron and I are working so hard to ensure their happiness, safety, and personal fulfillment.
I, too, want to have a childlike, joyful trust that my Father has a GREAT plan for me, whether the fulness of it be experienced here or in heaven. I want to joyfully embrace what life brings, knowing that it all works to the fulfillment of God's purpose (Rom. 8:28).
What I want more than anything is to be a "saint": not a canonized saint, but what the Bible means when it talks about the "saints." I want to be one of the people of God, whose whole life is reborn and renewed and is living in the Spirit of God. I want every aspect of my life and heart to be sanctified, and I want to be totally purified of all that is evil, ugly and sinful. I want to shine in the world, shedding the light of Christ wherever I go. I want my small, maternal actions to be big, holy work that makes a difference in the kingdom of God.
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